the power of empathy

i've had a few people in ministry asking me these last couple of days about my leaving a ministry position. i have to admit. it's hard to talk about it. it stings a little, especially since i can't seem to make sense of it all. i'm honest about it, and they all understand. they've been there before, too. what touches me and never ceases to ease my heart is their concern that i give myself time to heal. that and the fact that they look so compassionate as they listen to my story. sometimes, they share their own. we often end up encouraging each other because we've all been there. we know how it feels. but because we're in the business of loving and serving people, we have to learn to let go so we can move forward with GOD's will for our lives. we don't want to fill our lives with such bitterness so as to miss all the good that is around us. and there's a lot of that.

galatians 6:2 says, "Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important." empathy is a powerful emotion. it's one of the things that makes us human. the ability to feel another's pain and share it with them does wonders for a person in need of healing. empathy validates and let's people know they are not alone, that they are loved and special. i want to make others feel that way. empathy is not shallow and is not satisfied with giving empty, religious platitudes. empathy is deep and real.

i think the world could use a few more empathetic people. people who seek to understand and who share the joys and sorrows of those whose paths they cross. if we all showed a little more compassion to others, if we put the needs of others ahead of our own desires, if we treated each other with respect, what a world this would be.

a thicker skin?

all this week, i've been struggling and trying to work through something. i hate feeling misunderstood. i hate people saying things that aren't true about me or making incorrect assumptions about me. i hate that i care too much what other people think about me.

i probably need to have a thicker skin, but my sensitivity is one of the things that has made me a good worship leader and minister. it's tough. i'd be lying to myself if i just glossed over it and said it doesn't hurt. it does.

a wise friend gave me some advice when i asked him about how to develop a thicker skin. he said that it's better to care and get hurt than to have a bitter and cold heart. he said that talking it out with a trusted person is helpful. another wise person told me that you have to learn to walk in forgiveness. i try. i really do. i can usually forgive an offense...eventually. it's the residual stuff that gets me.

i can honestly say that i'm doing the best i can. it's not as hard this time, but it stings nonetheless. my friend is right though. it's better to hurt and care. bitterness is one thing i never want to experience again.

on being an outsider

i've heard it said that people are like lego blocks...each of us has only a set number of connections. if you're a newbie, an outsider, you arrive at your new home as a lego with openings, and you wait patiently for an opening on someone else's lego, keeping in mind that you could be replaced by a former connection if ever they choose to return.

i wanted to put into words my feelings on being an outsider, but last night, i read an exchange on facebook that started with a pastor's daughter sharing her own heart on how it feels to be an outsider. i think this says it better than i ever could. with their permission, i have reposted the conversation.


ali:
So I've moved a lot, I mean, I've been to 8 different schools. It's like when you finally feel like you fit in, something happens and you realize that no matter how close you think a friendship is, it's not as close as you think. ...They have lived here all their life. They have had these friends since 6th grade. No matter how many friends I have it's made very clear. I'm still the outsider.


emily:
...what's great is that you'll always have a love and a heart for the outsider. You'll be able to make friends with anyone. You'll see past people's outward and see their insides. Its hard baby, but in the end, you'll be the strong one...You'll make it. And in the end, you'll be the strongest, sweetest, loveliest, most Godly one of all.

to say anything else would just be vanity. all i know is that i had to share this because it touched my heart. thanks, ali, for your honesty. and thank you, emily, for your kind and encouraging words. i couldn't have said it any better.

just b/c we can, doesn't mean we should

i was told recently that my moral standards aren't the same as those of other people. i can't argue with that. it is, after all, a true statement. after 35 years, i've come to some conclusions about what i consider to be right, what i consider to be wrong and also what i consider to be a gray area or personal conviction.


just because we have the right to do something, doesn't mean it's right to do it. some things may not be wrong, but they are less than ideal. as a minister, mom and worship leader, i try to keep that in mind. i don't want to be a stumbling block to others. i don't want my choices to confuse others. i want to set a good example. i want what i do to point to CHRIST.


GOD, help me do what is right, run from what is wrong, and listen to your voice for those things that may or may not be wrong. i want my life to bring you glory and honor. keep me from disgracing you with my thoughts, my attitude and my actions. help me remember that it's not all about me, but it's about all that transcends me. help me do this with humility and fearlessness.

generosity makes everyone feel good!

ThomRainer From @MikeGlenn sermon: Local restaurant owner has trouble getting workers on Sun bec Christians tip the least & act the rudest



ok. before anyone thinks i am generalizing about all christians, stop. don't go there. i'm not. this was one guy's experience. but when i read this, i thought...what a shame that people think this. sometimes, i think they have good reason, but we're not all difficult and cheap.

christians should be the most generous of all people. that's how it was in the early church. people sold what they had and shared it with those who didn't. that's how it should be now.

just an example...last night, i attended a class on coupons at a local church (another blog to come about that). the woman who led the class asked for no compensation. she does this for free out of the goodness of her heart. in order to bless her for her time, effort and expertise, we took up a love offering for her. the woman who organized the class asked us all to give a dollar each. i realized i had more, so i gave more. i thought...what would i like to receive? that question compelled me to give more. i received many blessings last night. it was very much worth it. and this morning? i woke up happy that i gave a little more. generosity just makes you feel good. generosity makes everyone feel good!

got a little extra? even in this economy, we can still give. and even if there's no money to be given, we still have love and kindness. let's be the most generous people. let's change the mind of this restaurant staff...

bless and curse not

romans 12:14 -- bless those who persecute you. don't curse them; pray that GOD will bless them.

somewhere along my journey to wholeness, i came across this verse. i saw something i'd never noticed before: we're told twice to bless. once to not curse.

i pondered it for quite a while and realized that it was so much easier to not curse than it was to bless. but it's twice as important for us to take that extra step of blessing or praying GOD's blessings on those who have persecuted or mistreated or misunderstood us.

we've all heard that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. but the bible tells us to take that a step further...bless them. you know you've forgiven when you can do more than just not curse. if you can then bless them, that's major! at least in my experience.

how do you know if you've forgiven?

how do you know you've forgiven someone? i ask myself that question a lot. periodically, i make a list of those who have offended or hurt me so that i can work towards forgiving them and freeing myself emotionally from the pain. over the years, there have been a few names or situations that have lingered on that list. despite all the praying and journaling and tears, i am just not sure if i've forgiven them, so they remain on the list until i'm sure.

it may sound silly, but i often ask myself this: if i were shopping in wal-mart (or wherever) and turned around and saw (insert name), how would i respond? would i be angry, upset, bothered, and perhaps avoid eye contact? or would i be calm, respectful, and maintain eye contact? if i can't in good conscience say the latter, then it's time to revisit the situation...as often as it takes. i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so i can't fake it.

i may have to forgive someone multiple times for one offense, but i learned that's ok, too. i sometimes wonder if the biblical teaching of forgiving 70 x 7 means per person or per offense. =)