Monday, April 26, 2010

hey, facebook?

i've really been wishing lately that GOD would open up a twitter or facebook account. tweet, LORD, for your servant readeth.

started thinking...GOD did write on a wall. it is recorded in the Bible. i hate feeling so unsure of my plans, of where GOD wants me to go. i would definitely appreciate him writing on my facebook wall. life would be easier.

i came across a youth camp shirt from last year. chasing GOD was the theme. maybe i don't have my answers because i'm not pursuing GOD like he's wishing i would. i keep wanting the easy way out. maybe i should try a little harder. maybe GOD is wanting me to chase after him instead of demanding he make my life easier. maybe. maybe he wants to be sought, too. i get that. i like to be pursued. who doesn't?

i guess i've gotten a little self-absorbed, wanting GOD to cater to my wants. maybe i should seek him with all my heart. yeah, i think that's a biblical concept.

Monday, April 19, 2010

teachable moments

what a weekend! what started out to be a great and beautiful day full of promise (i realize that sounds melodramatic) turned sour. the region track meet was saturday. you should have heard us cheer my matthew on in the 1600m race. he crossed the finish line in first! our only win of the day, matthew would be moving on to compete in the state least we thought so. an hour later, someone came to let us know matthew had been disqualified. he had been announced 3 times as the winner and had been awarded his plaque. the coach at a rival school alleged sometime after the race (and after his kid had lost to matthew) that matthew had run out of bounds. matthew felt cheated. we all did. he knew he hadn't stepped out of bounds, especially the distance the coach was now claiming. we lost the initial appeal. but someone did the right thing, turned in a report, and before we even had a chance to ask for another appeal, the decision was overturned. matthew was reinstated as the winner. and he will compete at state.

david and i both felt sick over this situation. it was wrong. very wrong. after things settled down and we were back at our school, i was able to talk to matthew briefly about not letting this make him bitter. he had the opportunity to let this fuel him to be better, to be faster, to be more focused. it may have fallen on deaf ears for the moment, but i think he will take it to heart once he's had a chance to process.

he was angry. he had every right to be. david and i gave him his space. we allowed him to explore his emotions and process the events. i was probably angrier than anyone. you don't mess with a momma bear and her cubs, and you don't mess with a human momma and her children. amen?

he had one race left that day, and i believe he ran harder and faster than i'd ever seen him run. his whole team did. they placed third and also qualified for state. all of us on the sidelines were cheering and laughing about how they must really be mad to run that fast.

we kept the plaque he was awarded. i refused to give it up stating that he had rightfully earned it. no one challenged me on that. not only did he earn it, but i wanted to keep that plaque as a symbol, a reminder. i came across a quote by sophocles: "I would prefer even to fail with honor than to win by cheating.” my next teachable moment with my son? always remember how this felt, and always keep your integrity. and when you find yourself at that crossroads, do the right thing. don't allow someone else to feel what you felt at that moment.

life is full of decisions, crossroads. we have a choice. our integrity will be challenged. we can choose to do right or we can choose to do others wrong. we can choose to be bitter or we can choose to be better. we can fall and give up or we can rise with determination to overcome. what will we do? which will we choose?

Friday, April 16, 2010

can we have it all?

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin ~

this quote struck me today. i'm at a crossroads in my life. my children are getting ever so much closer to leaving the nest. they are wanting more independence, and quite honestly, so am i. most of my identity has been wrapped up in my kids. since they've gotten older, the hubby and i can resume dating, which is a great thing! one day, the kids will be gone, and i don't want us to be one of those couples who looks at each other from across the room in the quiet, lonely house and says, "who the heck are you?" so we've been reconnecting, rediscovering and preparing for the day when it's again just the two of us. yes, my youngest is 11, so it's not like the nest is going to empty tomorrow, but i know that once the first one goes (and he's 16), the others will quickly follow suit.

i love being a mom. there's nothing else i'd rather be. i love my kids. i love my husband. but something inside of me is telling me, "it's time for you to it's time for you to be... you. it's time for you to realize some of your dreams." i think that voice may have a point. so i talked to my kids and talked to the hubby. and i'm going to take the next step. i'm scared and i'm excited all at the same time. i think it's time for me to blossom.

more to come on my decisions later when i'm ready to share. too early in the game to reveal all my secrets to everyone! =)

on the view this morning, the women were discussing, "can women have it all?" had i been there, i think would have responded, "yes, but not all at the same time and not without the help of others." they were agreed. you have to have someone in your life who supports and encourages you. i am so blessed to have that in my life.

i have found that i'm good at helping others find their potential and reach their goals. now it's time i start doing the same for me. i think i may have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up. hmm. maybe i can have it all, so to speak. we'll see. i'm already most of the way there.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

prayer for clarity


first, i want to thank you for all the blessings you've given me. there are so many. and i want you to know i love you. i'm sure i don't tell you enough, but i do. i want to do your will. right now i'm struggling with what that might be. but that is my heart's desire. forgive me for my doubts, my indiscretions, my baggage i don't seem to want to let go of, my sins. help me to bestow that forgiveness to those in my life that have need of it.

my heart is anxious, fearful. my mind is unsure. my thoughts scattered. so i could use some clarity. i am willing to take whichever path you want me to take. but in each opportunity, there are challenges that i'm pretty sure i'll need your favor at work in. give me the courage to go and do what needs to be done. and those people that i need to help me out with this? if you could give them a kick in the pants to get their butts in gear, i'd really appreciate that!

thanks, GOD. i place myself in your hands and believe that whatever your plans for my life, you will give me grace for that season.

love you!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

just be

i got the chance to sit in on a spiritual formations class this weekend taught by chris maxwell, a really great friend of ours. we were there for the weekend to feed all those present, but my wonderful husband sent me off to the class after breakfast. he cleaned up and made lunch for everyone all by himself. he's just that kind of of the reasons i love him so.

but back to the class.

i've heard that if satan can't make you sin, he'll make you busy. i think too often, christians feel like they have to earn their salvation...always striving, always going to church when the doors are open, attending both morning services, religiously reading the scriptures and praying and studying (none of these are bad endeavors, but sometimes we lose something in all the doing) ...

but then there's also work, family, games to attend, bills to pay, grass to mow...busy-ness.

we need to learn

just be.

among the spiritual disciplines we discussed and participated in, we experienced finding GOD in the silence, the solitude, in nature, in celebration. GOD is with us. sometimes we need add to our lives by subtracting...subtracting the noise, the static, the distractions. and when we do, we find refreshment, we find renewal, we find GOD. and we find ourselves.

we lose ourselves sometimes in the busy-ness and the noise.

we need to reconnect with GOD and ourselves from time to time. and i have found that is most often done in quiet and in solitude. there is a time for dance and celebration. and there is a time for quiet and stillness.

so this week, i will meet with the quiet, in a book, in a walk...

and i will not do.

i will be...

because being a christian is who you are, not just everything you do.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

GOD and my heart share a secret

i've had a lot of thoughts going through my head these last few days, and i'm blogging because i need to let some of them out. ever get the feeling like something's about to happen? i have been feeling that way lately. sometimes that's a bad feeling, but not this time. i keep feeling like something good is about to happen. don't know what. don't know when. i have no reason to think this except that my heart tells me so.

i hope it's a good thing. i'm pretty intuitive, and so i've learned over the years to trust my heart. yeah, i know. i grew up hearing you shouldn't. i know there are people who emphatically state that you can't trust your emotions; you should go with what your head tells you. and that's fine if that's how you're wired. but i'm not wired that way. i make decisions with my heart, and it works every time...because that's how GOD made me. i used to think that was weird, wrong even...until someone i really respect confessed he was the same way. so if he's considered weird, i am in very good company.

i guess i'm just really looking forward to the plans GOD has for me. i think he's got something up his sleeve. i feel like my vision is expanding. i'm feeling hope and optimism like i haven't felt in a while. it's like GOD and my heart share a secret. i can speculate, but i think i'll just wait for GOD to reveal the surprise to me. and i'll just continue to wear this goofy smile that i can't seem to rid myself of...and i have no idea why.