Meet Hoyt

This is Hoyt. He is a member of my church, New Beginning Worship Center of Macon, Georgia. I love this man! And he is one of my favorite people to photograph.

He loves to tell stories. He often talks about the two loves of his life. He was married to one woman a little over 20 years and another for 25. Hoyt is in his 80s from what I can gather, and he cherishes his independence.

Hoyt prays for this church. He prays during the week, and he comes early every Sunday evening to pray. He prays for specific needs, he prays for my husband and our family, and he prays that God will send people to our church. He also acts on those prayers.

Last week, Hoyt showed up early as usual for church, but this time he had a basketball with him. He was at Walmart and saw the aisle with basketballs and decided to buy one for my kids and all the others that God is going to send us. "Kids need something to play with. That's why I bought it. When they come, I want them to stay and play."

He then proceeded to put me to shame in a quick game of basketball. I bricked three shots in a row before making my first one. He made his first three. I quit. Apparently, my kids did not get their affinity for basketball from their mother.

 

Here are two more of my favorites. The black and white photo was taken at our church Christmas party. Hoyt was sporting his Christmas tie.

I took the other photo at our church New Year's party. I had already put away my camera, and I was playing a game with some of the women. I turned around to see Hoyt pushing this little cutie around, and I ran and grabbed my camera. You should have heard them both laughing and having a good time. Hoyt loves kids. He just wanted to make this little guy happy, so he put down his cane and pushed this toy car around in circles for probably 10 minutes. It was one of the sweetest things!

Hoyt is very thoughtful and caring. I mentioned that he prays for my hubby and our family. It's true. I've heard him during Sunday evening prayer ask God to bless us and protect us. He talks to my kids. He brought boxes of chocolates for everyone the Sunday after Valentine's Day. He bought that basketball for my kids and those who are yet to come. He opens doors and greets people as they enter the church. He's taken my hubby and me out for Sunday lunch. He calls me 'baby' when hugs me and tells me he loves me. This is a precious man. The world needs more like him. He just loves people. It doesn't matter who they are or what they've done. He loves us all.

time for resolutions

i know...

some people don't believe in new year's resolutions. that's ok. i think of them more as new beginnings. even as i write this, i smile about the term "new beginnings" because it seems so appropriate. the year of 2010 started out with us having home church, but during the spring, we decided to give a new church a chance. the name? avalon, which means "new beginning." i guess i'm carrying my time of new beginnings into 2011.

a few days ago, our pastor blogged about the church's annual daniel fast. i've never done that before. to be honest, it seemed more like a spiritual fad to me. i've not always been a fan of fasting, partly due to a "super spiritual" couple i used to know who, every two weeks, would brag about just having come off another three-week fast. as a result, i tend to roll my eyes when people start talking about fasts. however, avalon and pastor ritchie have been winning my trust over the past few months, so i decided to talk to david about it, who seemed pretty positive about us joining the fast.

so i've been thinking about what i feel i need to focus on during this fast. i have once again been turning to food to fill the holes in my soul. this is both a physical and a spiritual issue for me. i realized on my walk today that i have toxins in my body and toxins in my spirit. and they need to go away. and i need to deal with them. i also have some questions about what paths i need to choose in regards to life and ministry. and i'll be joining in with my church in our collective prayers to find and know the will of GOD for the church.

already, i can feel GOD gently speaking to my heart and dealing with me about letting go of the things that cause me harm both physically and spritually. i know GOD wants me to have a new beginning, but i know i can't go into a new beginning until i let go of the past. even now, my heart is torn. even now, my spirit aches. i know this won't be easy, but i know that the journey will be worth it.

open and honest communication with GOD

i haven't felt much like blogging lately with all the essays and assignments i've had for school. sorry about that.

i was clearing out some emails this evening, and i came across a blog post from one of my heroes. she goes to therapy. good for her. i've wondered if i should, too, sometimes. trying to heal from my past and deal with junk as it comes becomes a bit of a daunting task at times. anyway, she wrote something that kind of hit me hard...she's decided to be honest in her sessions even if she sounds like a jerk. i love her honesty and real-ness.

i think i've not been so honest with GOD lately in my relationship and in my talks with him. i'm feeling like i'm holding back because i don't want to give him the junk in my life. as i read the blog tonight, i had a thought...how stupid is it to withhold who i really am and what i'm really feeling from the one who knows it all?

so, this week, i'm determined to be more open and honest in my communication with him. as i've said countless times over the years...GOD already knows what's in my heart; he's just waiting for me to be honest with myself. so, GOD...ready or not...here it comes!..even if i sound like a jerk...

the next psalm

a psalm (of hope)...

GOD, i know you know all things
you know people inside out
you know their motives
you know what makes them do what they do

why is it that some people don't have to play by the rules?
why is it that they can say and do whatever they want?
where is your justice?
where are you when the brokenhearted needs you?

don't let those who cause me harm win

don't let them get away with this

call them out

expose their evil deeds

they smile to my face

yet they set a trap for me

they lie about me behind my back

and pretend to be innocent

i wish you'd fix this

make what was broken whole again
make what is wrong right again
restore what's been lost and taken

you have the power to heal
you have the power to restore
you can set all things right again
you can make things better than before

GOD, hear my cry
listen to my plea
restore my place
restore my reputation

you are a just GOD
merciful and understanding
you value integrity
you honor what is right

so do your thing, GOD
do what is right in your eyes
bring honor to your name
bring glory to this situation

prayer is an ongoing relationship

we started a new series at avalon church this morning called unspoken. pastor ritchie did an incredible job spelling out what prayer is and what it is not. it was a great service. i am so glad i was there.

we tend to treat prayer like it's a christmas list for GOD to fill, but there's so much more to prayer than that. prayer is not just a time for asking for stuff. and it's not just to be done when there's an emergency. prayer is about an ongoing relationship with GOD.

pastor ritchie said something today that stuck with me. he said that we talk to those we love, those we want to have a relationship with. we don't talk to those we don't love.

for me, that's true. i love my husband. i talk to him a lot throughout the day. when we can't talk, i text him. when i can do neither, i still think about him and when i'll get to see him next. those i don't like, those that i don't want to have a relationship with, i don't talk to. and honestly, i don't want them talking to me either. i prefer to be left alone.

i guess if you talk to those you love, then i must love GOD a whole lot. i talk to him almost constantly. we have little conversations throughout the day. i never feel alone...honest. i know that at any time during the day or night, i can continue my talk with GOD. and it's not just me doing all the talking. he speaks to me, too. sometimes he uses people. sometimes he uses objects. sometimes he uses that still, small voice and guides my conscience. i love the way he speaks to me, and i do feel loved...even when he's telling me something i don't want to hear. he's my safe place, and i know that he cares deeply for me and wants what's best for me.

oh yeah...

one thing i always try to do is remember to tell GOD, "thank you." just thought i'd throw that in since we so often forget to do that. i know i used to. i just assumed he knew, but even GOD desires to hear that from time to time.

prayer for clarity

GOD,

first, i want to thank you for all the blessings you've given me. there are so many. and i want you to know i love you. i'm sure i don't tell you enough, but i do. i want to do your will. right now i'm struggling with what that might be. but that is my heart's desire. forgive me for my doubts, my indiscretions, my baggage i don't seem to want to let go of, my sins. help me to bestow that forgiveness to those in my life that have need of it.

my heart is anxious, fearful. my mind is unsure. my thoughts scattered. so i could use some clarity. i am willing to take whichever path you want me to take. but in each opportunity, there are challenges that i'm pretty sure i'll need your favor at work in. give me the courage to go and do what needs to be done. and those people that i need to help me out with this? if you could give them a kick in the pants to get their butts in gear, i'd really appreciate that!

thanks, GOD. i place myself in your hands and believe that whatever your plans for my life, you will give me grace for that season.

love you!
hope

just be

i got the chance to sit in on a spiritual formations class this weekend taught by chris maxwell, a really great friend of ours. we were there for the weekend to feed all those present, but my wonderful husband sent me off to the class after breakfast. he cleaned up and made lunch for everyone all by himself. he's just that kind of guy...one of the reasons i love him so.

but back to the class.

i've heard that if satan can't make you sin, he'll make you busy. i think too often, christians feel like they have to earn their salvation...always striving, always going to church when the doors are open, attending both morning services, religiously reading the scriptures and praying and studying (none of these are bad endeavors, but sometimes we lose something in all the doing) ...

but then there's also work, family, games to attend, bills to pay, grass to mow...busy-ness.

we need to learn to...be.

just be.

among the spiritual disciplines we discussed and participated in, we experienced finding GOD in the silence, the solitude, in nature, in celebration. GOD is with us. sometimes we need add to our lives by subtracting...subtracting the noise, the static, the distractions. and when we do, we find refreshment, we find renewal, we find GOD. and we find ourselves.

we lose ourselves sometimes in the busy-ness and the noise.

we need to reconnect with GOD and ourselves from time to time. and i have found that is most often done in quiet and in solitude. there is a time for dance and celebration. and there is a time for quiet and stillness.

so this week, i will meet with GOD...in the quiet, in a book, in a walk...

and i will not do.

i will be...

because being a christian is who you are, not just everything you do.

thank you, GOD, for...

GOD,

i just wanted to take a few minutes to tell you thanks.

thank you for my cat, fluffy, who i trust you will heal b/c she's not feeling well right now. thank you for ebony and the time we got to spend with him. he was such a crazy cat, and i so miss him.

thank you for a hubby who loves me and our kids. thank you for his job, even though it can get a little stressful and long sometimes. i am glad he gets to participate in his kids' lives like he does.

thank you for my matthew, jonathan, lily and katy. they're good kids, and i'm really proud of them and of who they are becoming. i pray that their desire is to live for you and make a difference in this world.

thank you for my life. there were times in the past that i couldn't say that. thank you for sticking by me when i wanted to give up. thanks for loving me so much and for healing what's broken inside me.

thank you for my friends. some are closer than others. some are forever. some are for a season. thank you for them all. thank you for my enemies. i learn a lot from them. i learn a lot about myself through them. i learn a lot about grace and forgiveness because of them. bless my friends and enemies alike.

thank you for extended and honorary family members.

thank you for the good times. thank you for the bad. both teach me about you. both teach my about me. thank you that you are good regardless of the circumstances in my life.

thank you for the air i breathe, the colors i see, the aroma of fall, the rain that replenishes, all the things i take for granted. open my eyes and my heart that all those and more will become more real and alive than ever before.

thank you for my future. i know you have plans for me. help me accomplish those plans with humility and fearlessness.

i do ask some things from you: a genuine smile, a content and compassionate heart, wide-eyed and twinkling eyes, helping and caring hands, innocent and harmless motivations. help me walk in forgiveness and give me love that will melt away fear and cover a mulititude of sins and shortcomings. make me like you.

thank for all this and so much more.

amen!

day one of facing the list

ok. started on that list today. i had some updating to do. that was tough...and enough for today. i added about half a page of situations/people i need to forgive. this is tough stuff. i'm now down to the specific issues i need to work through. oooh, i'm so agitated. those that were already on it...still not ready to cross them off. one may be really close though, so at least there's one positive thing about today's look at the list.

i wish i could say this has gotten easier, that forgiving has gotten down to an easy science. unfortunately, that's not the case. i wish i could say this list will shrink quickly, but i don't think it's gonna. when i look at it, i realize that these are really deep wounds. and most of these will not end in an apology. it's difficult for me to forgive knowing i will never hear the words, "i'm sorry." those 2 words are so under-utilized these days.

this list really makes me angry. it makes me hurt. that's why i don't like being tied to it. i didn't realize just how much journaling and prayer this was going to take. might as well start this with a prayer.

GOD, as i look at this list, i know it's not gonna be easy. i'm really gonna need some help. i believe i'll forgive each and every one, but i can't do it on my own strength. i am very aware of this. honestly, i want vindication. can't lie about that. help me understand that forgiveness doesn't make what they did all right, but it makes me all right and sets me free. this is for me. i can't change what happened. i can't change anyone but me. right now, i could use a little peace in my heart. please take away this agitation. i've got too much to do today to be upset. i'm taking the first step. that's good. at least this time, i'm willing to go there rather than keep it hidden and buried deep inside. thank you for who i'm going to be as a result of dealing with this list.

wearing pink today

cancer strikes again. this time it's a friend from times past...angie sanders. she's having surgery today, scheduled for 9:30 am. she's the reason i'm in pink today.

all who read this, please send up a prayer for her. here's mine:

dear GOD in heaven, i thank you for who you are and all that you do. i am grateful that you are a GOD who heals, and i'm asking you to do just that for angie. heal her body, keep her mind and spirit strong, and give her peace as she undergoes surgery this morning. give insight to her medical staff. guide their hands. be with them as they care for angie. bring peace, strength and comfort to her family and friends. thanks, GOD! i know we can count on you to do this and even more. amen

my prayer

GOD, here's the thing. i feel the bitterness already trying to take hold of my heart. please guard my heart so that it can't creep in. all it does is hurt me. it does nothing to help. it only ties me to the pain. i know you're already watching over me and my family. thanks for the little things you have been doing that let me know i'm being cared for. every time i start to get down, one of these little blessings shows up. i'm asking you to honor my faithfulness. i'm asking you to open doors for us. i'm asking you to protect my children. i don't want them turning from you b/c of the ugliness that exists in traditional church. that scares me, but i trust you'll show me and david how to guide our kids through it. bless my children. bless my marriage. bless our relationships. bless our friends and family. bless our enemies. bless those who unknowingly cause us pain. bless those who stick by us and those who don't. and help me to be understanding, not bitter about any loss. give me courage to do the right thing. help me treat others with respect whether they deserve it or not. open our eyes to your will. give us peace and make our paths obvious. i have to admit that i'm a little anxious and hesitant about moving forward, so strengthen my faith. expose the darkness and the lies and the compromises. let the truth bring freedom and healing. strengthen my spirit, and give it rest. thank you, GOD, for showing us a little today how you have had the situation in your hands all along. i didn't understand, but i'm beginning to now. how cool is that? i love you. those words don't begin to express the feelings i have for you. so read my heart, and take what little i have to offer. i'll try not to grasp too tightly anything i have. my hands are open. i offer it willingly. wow. i really love you. thank you...for everything.

your little girl,
hope