what if...

i suppose i've seen "it's a wonderful life" a few too many times because every year around this time i begin to wonder "what if..."

what if my sister was still alive?
what if i had never met my hubby?
what if we had stayed there?
what if that church had hired us instead?
what if we hadn't gone through that?
what if the birth control had actually worked? (so glad it didn't)
what if...what if...what if...

sometimes i think i would like a glimpse of how things might have been. where would i be now? how would life be different?

i know. i probably think too much. but really...wouldn't it be cool to get the chance to see what could have been?

i don't know though. i guess in many situations in life, i can see the hand of GOD guiding. i don't know what could have been, but i can't imagine life without my family. and those experiences? well, they've made me who i am today, and i kinda like who i am. =)

yet still i wonder...