Saturday, June 4, 2011

Here's My Heart

I usually don't like myself very much during the times when God is purifying my heart.These times are both sweet and frustrating. It's a love-hate situation. I love getting closer to God and being a better person, but I hate how I feel during the process. I hate the ugliness that surfaces. I don't want to admit it's there.

I'm not going to lie about it. It scares me. I'm always afraid God is going to ask too much of me. What if I fall short? What if I don't live up to his expectations of me? What if I can't be who he wants me to be?

I have an anxious heart. I feel overwhelmed. There's so much that needs to change in me. Where do I start?

It's silly. I can't help but think that if God knew the real me, he wouldn't like me very much. I don't want him to see my imperfections. But God already knows everything about me. Nothing is hidden from him.

I realize this process would go much more quickly and easily if I would just let go of those things I work so hard to keep from him.

By now I should know better than to think he'll disown me if I'm not perfect. It's his grace and mercy that compel me to yield my will and stubborn heart. No one wants what's best for me more than God, yet I am afraid.

God, change my anxiety to peace, my fear to trust, my insecurity to expectation. Calm my heart. Relax my grasp. Open my mind. Reveal your glory through my brokenness. Here I am. I am yours.

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