Wednesday, August 4, 2010

learning to trust again

it's hard to trust after you've been beaten up by organized religion. where it gets sticky is that you don't want to punish the new people in your life, but you don't want to let your guard down for fear your heart and spirit will get trampled...again. that hurts, and healing comes slowly. at some point, you think you're in a safe place, yet the whole time you're bracing yourself for the fall when the rug gets pulled out from under you. you want to serve and love unconditionally, but how do you know you can really trust? do you dare let down your guard, even just a little?

forgiveness is a key ingredient in learning to trust least for me. even more basic is honesty, and i can say with great confidence that honesty can be very, very ugly. here's the can't forgive until you can be honest. honest about your real feelings. honest about your situation. honest with yourself. honest with GOD. it's always hard for me to begin my journey towards forgiveness, but i always remind myself that forgiveness doesn't make what happened ok; forgiveness makes me ok. forgiveness comes easy compared to trust. and just because i forgive, it doesn't mean i have to put myself back into a toxic situation. it's ok to love from a distance. the goal is restoration, but you must use wisdom. some relationships are for a season. some can be salvaged and can even thrive. just make sure that whatever you do, you have some nice, long talks with GOD about them.

allow yourself time to grieve. you lost something very important. more likely, you've lost a few things like relationships, confidence, a job, security, happiness in addition to trust. grieving isn't only reserved for the death of a loved one. we grieve when we experience loss. don't rush this, but don't get stuck here either.

talk to a friend or mentor you know you can trust. lean on them. let them help you. don't go through this alone. we need each other. or talk to a counselor. we all need to process life's events. needing others is not a sign of weakness. you make yourself available to others. keep in mind that others want to be there for you, too.

get back out there. after you've given yourself some time, ease on out again. you don't have to jump in all at once. take your time. get some good experiences under your belt. and start loosening the grip on your heart. i have found that when i try to guard my heart, i make it hard. but when i give my heart back to GOD, he guards it in such a way as to keep it soft and loving.

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