my thoughts on today...and what a beautiful day it is!

it's such a beautiful day. i've done my devotional, checked a few emails, spoken to my mom, vented to a friend about what's left on my "to forgive" list (which btw is down to 9 entries!!!), and had a few sweet moments with the hubby before we both left for work. he's definitely a keeper! =)

david and i are heading out of town for another basketball game. this time it's only the varsity guys, so it's just matthew tonight. i'm really proud of my kids. yeah, they drive me crazy sometimes...particularly the boys with their lame joke contests. omg! sometimes i'm not sure if i should roll my eyes, send them to bed, or burst into laughter over the stupid things that get said! lol! at least the girls are sane. they just keep hugging me and telling me how much they love me. i so love that! my kids amaze me! they're really growing up. and they're good kids. i think this has been my favorite season of parenting so far.

we're doing work to our house. we finally were approved for better insurance on the house. we got dropped for a while due to it needing so many repairs. the alternative insurance we had to get was expensive! i don't like being poor, but i do have a better understanding how the cycle of poverty works. it's hard to break it because the less fortunate are given fewer breaks. we're prepping the house to paint it. even the primer coat makes the house look happier, and that makes me happy. i can't wait to get it done! it's going to be pretty!

thanks, GOD, for my home, be it ever so humble. and thank you for my incredible family. and thank you for the beautiful blue sky today. you rock!

speaking out on women's health

as are many women this week, i, too, am both disturbed and concerned about the announcement and recommendations that have recently been made public regarding women's health, specifically breast health. i am not in the medical field and am not an expert, but i am a woman, and i do have a voice. today i choose to put it use.

i think a lot of us fear that these guidelines diminish the importance of women and our health. we've worked very hard in the history of our country to be taken seriously, to be treated with respect, and to be considered equal. i fear that these recommendations have set us back a hundred years or more. i've read a number of articles in which the new recommendations are considered patronizing, that women shouldn't worry so much, that we get hysterical about such things. forgive my sarcasm when i say that it's only our breasts. the breasts that bring nourishment to our infants and, yes, pleasure to our lovers. it's only one of the signs of our becoming women. it's only our lives and our well-being. why should we be concerned?

without early detection, a few women in my life wouldn't be here. all are under 50. all were diagnosed with breast cancer. i am approaching 40 as are many of my friends. this affects me. it affects my friends and family. i'd rather my sisters be safe than sorry. i realize there is still so much to learn about breast cancer, but to tell us to just not worry about it and forget about the precautions that we've been taught without offering us a real and valid alternative based on new technology is irresponsible. we are told to continue taking these precautions if we happen to be at high risk, but who determines who is high risk and who is not? not everyone who is diagnosed has a family history of cancer.

should we sacrifice our health to save a few bucks? i say we should find some other solution. and i do not believe the government should be taking on this endeavor. my husband used to do work for the government in the engineering field. the red tape and incompetence of the government can be astounding. government-run healthcare is not the solution. my kids are on well care, which is government-maintained. it's a mess. yes, my children have health coverage, but when there are few or even no doctors willing to take it in your area, it's as if they have no health care.

we need to encourage women to speak out. we need to encourage our government representatives to get educated about who they represent. we need to send the message that we vote and that we have voice. women are powerful. we matter and so does our health.

that shrinking list of mine =)

my "to forgive" list has been steadily shrinking. as a result, i feel lighter. i feel like i'm gaining momentum. at least for now, forgiveness means acceptance. i know i can't change others. i can only change how i respond or feel in regards to them. i keep telling myself, "it is what it is. deal with it."

i don't want to be a victim anymore. i don't want to be chained down anymore. i've got too much to do, and i don't have time to keep carrying around my baggage.

i'm still learning new things and trying new things. i'm still stretching myself and my comfort zones. i'm working on a new ministry that focuses on young women leaders and ministers. i'm really excited about that.

i read in 1 Thessalonians 3:12-13 this morning. this became my prayer. LORD, will you make my love for others grow and grow? Make my heart strong, blameless and holy.

i chased her down in the parking lot! lol!

had a feeling yesterday that i was going to run into someone on my "to forgive" list, and wouldn't ya know... i did. she didn't see me, and i could have let her just leave. but where's the fun in that??? i chased her down in the parking lot, asked how she was doing, gave her a hug, and all that good stuff. that rise of anger was nowhere to be found even when she asked a couple of uncomfortable questions. honestly, i think she felt regretful about what happened, and well she should. it wasn't right, but i think i've accepted that "it is what it is." i think GOD's working it all out for my good, so i'm ok.

i called my hubby as soon as i walked off. i knew he'd get a kick out of the situation and be proud of the way i conducted myself. he did, and he was.

forgiveness feels a whole lot better than anger, hurt and bitterness. i feel really good that i was able to be loving, kind and gracious...and honest with this woman. i think i'm now ready to mark her off my list which has been shrinking, thank GOD!

i'm glad i didn't let the opportunity pass me by. thanks, GOD, for guiding my steps and preparing me for that situation! oh, yeah...and for giving me back my sly, little grin! lol!

to know your heart

really digging this song today...

to know your heart by brent d. anderson

"...you have always been my strong tower,
my rock and my fortress,
my shelter in the time of the storm.

to know your heart
to feel your love
to find you in the secret place and touch your heart o GOD

to hear your voice
call out my name
LORD, there's nothing in this world that i want more
than to know your heart."

it is what it is..finding acceptance

yesterday was rough emotionally for me. as usual, when i'm working on my "to forgive" list, i have some ups and downs. i woke up very angry yesterday, but by the end of the afternoon, i had come to terms with my anger. it's not uncommon to have strong emotions right before you forgive someone. it's like it all has to come to the surface before it can be removed.

i can't say that i understand why he did what he did. i can't say that i understand why he didn't do what he didn't do. i may never have the answers. i may never get my well-deserved apology, but i think i've accepted that. i think i feel free to move on. i didn't remove his name from my list. i want to give it a few more days.

however, i did remove a few names this week. i think i just needed to accept that "it is what it is." i can't change the past. it's done. i'm a little curious as to how i'll react if i see them, but i think i can be gracious and forgiving.

i did receive an email from someone today who is on my list. i sent back a nice reply. no zingers. no twisting of words. and there was no rise of anger. could i have forgiven yet another? could it be??? =) she was kind of the force behind a lot of my problems recently. i just had to separate myself from her. you know, keep a safe distance. i'm surprised that i'm not hurt by her and angry at her. i have a right to be, but i honestly, truthfully, sincerely blessed her today. i feel really good about being able to do that.

some people hurt and blame others b/c they themselves are hurting deep inside. they get stuck. i certainly understand. i, too, have been there. though it was personal, in a way, i don't think i should take it personally. sometimes we hurt others who have nothing to do with what is really bothering us, but we take it out on whoever is around. this is a case where extra grace is required on my end. i pray she finds peace, healing and acceptance. i would hope that extra grace and prayer would be extended to me by those i've hurt.

i'm a proud momma

last night, we had a school sports banquet. i had a girl on the middle school volleyball team and a boy on the varsity soccer team.

katy is just a sixth grader, but she made the volleyball team this year. she started out on the bubble. she'd never played before and couldn't serve the ball over the net. but after a couple of games, katy, with the help of her coaches figured it out. by the end of the season she was starting on the team and playing almost all the time and was getting almost all of her serves over. she's a competitive and determined little girl. when she was little, she had a lisp and was shy and reserved and self-conscious. i don't know where that little girl went. she's been replaced with a confident young lady. i'm so proud of her not only for her accomplishments but for who she is... which is sweet, tenderhearted, athletic and smart.

matthew did not intend to play soccer. he's not really a fan, but because his friends wanted to play but didn't have enough players, he not only joined the team but encouraged others to play. he learned, he worked hard, and he did pretty good. i think it was good for him. it kept him in shape for basketball and taught him footwork and positioning that will definitely come in handy this basketball season. the mvp award went to a well-deserving player on the team, but in my book, matthew's the mvp. he cared about his soocer-playing friends and made sure they had enough to play this year. i'm proud of who he is on and off the field. he's got leadership ability, and i think he's starting to figure that out.

now it's time for basketball. matthew, jonathan and katy are on their basketball teams, and lily found out this week she's the captain of the cheer team. i love my kids so much. they are good kids, and they make me so proud.