thoughts to ponder...must read...must comment!! =)

thoughts to ponder today:

1. just because you're good at something doesn't mean it's going to make you happy doing it.
2. GOD is looking for leaders with a limp...Genesis 32:22-32...those who have wrestled with GOD and man, who refuse to let go until they have won a blessing.
3. whatever GOD's will is for my life, i can trust that he will give me the grace to do it. i don't have to do it out of my own strength.
4. dream, but don't just dream...dream the impossible.
5. with GOD all things are possible.

my journey with emotional eating

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. my name is hope, and i'm an emotional eater. what i haven't said before is that i've lost 10 pounds now! i got on the scale this morning, and i smiled back at it rather than frown or curse it!

i'm learning to go to GOD with my emotions instead of running to food. i know it sounds odd to run to food for comfort, but i've done it for years. not surprisingly, it never brought me lasting satisfaction. it brought me depression over my weight and lack of control. i stopped walking for weight control and started walking for stress management. i also walk sometimes just so i can dream or spend time with GOD. it's not as hard to get motivated to walk these days.

emotional baggage is heavy, and every item i give up is another pound lost. i'm hoping to shed another 8 lbs by november 1st. it's a lot to let go of, but i think i'm up for the challenge. Romans 12:2 says, "...let GOD transform you into a new person by changing the way you think."

GOD's faithfulness

i have once again joined the ranks of the stay-at-home moms. it was a really difficult decision to leave my part-time job, but i felt it was the right thing to do. i ain't gonna lie...with my hubby giving up his part-time job next month, i am concerned for our financial situation. we'll soon be down to one full-time job. we figured i'd have to make a certain smaller amount each week to cover the loss of my job. as of yesterday, i had been offered a couple of side jobs. when we added it all up, it came out to the exact amount that we had decided i needed to make. we also found out that our hotel room is covered on an upcoming trip. all we have to pay for is gas and food. GOD always takes care of us.

three of our 4 kids have school trips coming up. i was asking my hubby if he thought we should forego one or more of the trips, but he said no. he feels like we'll be all right. i'm not sure how, but i will trust him.

david and i have never considered ourselves people of faith, yet when it comes right down to it, i think perhaps we have more faith than we gave ourselves credit. i think it's because of our experiences. GOD has come through for us more times and in more ways than i could begin to recount. he has always shown himself worthy of our faith and trust. i believe he will take care of us. it really surprises me how confident i am of that.

i'm trying to look at this as an opportunity. there's nothing to keep us tied down. we have options. of course, i'm a little unsure and a little anxious, but i think sometimes faith is when you decide to go forward in spite of your fears and doubts. i've seen the faithfulness of GOD this week. i look forward to seeing it again next week, and the next week, and the next.

my love for thunderstorms

thunderstorms remind me of days gone by. when i was a little girl, my mom, my sister and i would go to my grandparent's house after church most sundays from what i remember. my sister and i would run around the house in our pretty white slips until dinner was ready. i loved butterbeans from the garden. that is, until i ate so many once that i threw up. after that, not so much. the food was delicious. most of it came from my grandparent's garden. sometimes we'd play again, but other times, we'd take a nap.

i remember one sunday afternoon, my sister and i ran upstairs to my grandmother's room to take a nap with her. instead of going to sleep, however, we listened to the thunderstorm that was heading our way. we made a game of guessing how loud the next rumble of thunder would be. i think we eventually fell asleep. i don't know what made that day so memorable, but it is sweet. not long after, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and died. the next year, my sister's brain tumor returned and took her life as well. i'm the only one left from that day, so i remember and cherish the memory.

i don't know what it is about thunderstorms, but they make me feel close to GOD. maybe it's because i remember a few that made me so deathly afraid, i thought i'd be joining him. no, seriously, i guess i've always associated an awe, a majesty with thunderstorms. they're loud and powerful. and sometimes they make you stop everything else and all you can do is listen. no electricity. no tv. those times are the best. nothing to distract us from the power of GOD. and for me, it's a time to reflect and remember my loved ones and our sweet memories together.

my prayer

GOD, here's the thing. i feel the bitterness already trying to take hold of my heart. please guard my heart so that it can't creep in. all it does is hurt me. it does nothing to help. it only ties me to the pain. i know you're already watching over me and my family. thanks for the little things you have been doing that let me know i'm being cared for. every time i start to get down, one of these little blessings shows up. i'm asking you to honor my faithfulness. i'm asking you to open doors for us. i'm asking you to protect my children. i don't want them turning from you b/c of the ugliness that exists in traditional church. that scares me, but i trust you'll show me and david how to guide our kids through it. bless my children. bless my marriage. bless our relationships. bless our friends and family. bless our enemies. bless those who unknowingly cause us pain. bless those who stick by us and those who don't. and help me to be understanding, not bitter about any loss. give me courage to do the right thing. help me treat others with respect whether they deserve it or not. open our eyes to your will. give us peace and make our paths obvious. i have to admit that i'm a little anxious and hesitant about moving forward, so strengthen my faith. expose the darkness and the lies and the compromises. let the truth bring freedom and healing. strengthen my spirit, and give it rest. thank you, GOD, for showing us a little today how you have had the situation in your hands all along. i didn't understand, but i'm beginning to now. how cool is that? i love you. those words don't begin to express the feelings i have for you. so read my heart, and take what little i have to offer. i'll try not to grasp too tightly anything i have. my hands are open. i offer it willingly. wow. i really love you. thank you...for everything.

your little girl,
hope

it is well

i love that song, "it is well with my soul." it's a beautiful old hymn with a beautiful story behind it. today, i find myself comforted by the thought that whatever comes my way, i can say that it is well with my soul.

i made a decision yesterday. a really difficult one. but i know that GOD will honor my attempts to do the right thing. it hurts my heart, but i will be ok.

i have so much to be grateful for. i have a husband who loves and supports me. i have a great family. and my friends? the absolute best in the world. and they pray for me. i pray for them 2. life isn't always easy, but when you have the friends and family that i have, it'll all be ok. finances may be tight, but i am rich because of the relationships in my life.

well, i must go for now, but i'll leave the words that have flooded my heart today...it is well.


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:It is well, with my soul,It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,Let this blest assurance control,That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin, not in part but the whole,Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:If Jordan above me shall roll,No pang shall be mine, for in death as in lifeThou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,The sky, not the grave, is our goal;Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,Even so, it is well with my soul.

my heart hurts

my heart hurts. don't know what else to say. my heart usually guides my thinking, and right now, it's broken. so i don't know what to think. don't know how to feel. i feel like my compass is messed up. just wondering. thoughts don't make sense. worse than my heart hurting is that i think my spirit is breaking. no place feels safe. no place at all.

don't twist my words or read anything into this. it's not about you. it's about me. allow me the freedom to just be...me.