Tuesday, October 27, 2009

crossed a name off my list

i pulled up my "need to forgive" list this morning. to my surprise, i didn't have the anger or anxiety that i usually do when i see that list. i wasn't even snarky! i hope that's a good sign and not just a hormonal thing going on. and yes, hormones can produce good, happy feelings.

the person at the top of my list has been there for a few years. a couple of days ago, i was praying about that situation while i was doing laundry. now usually when GOD tells me to bless someone, i have to give it some time. GOD and i usually go back and forth on the issue, and eventually i surrender. not this time. i said ok, and i prayed a prayer of blessing over him and his church. i did have to get some things straight with GOD just so we were clear. forgiveness is one thing, but trust is another. it could take years for me to trust this guy again, if ever. however, i'm willing to forgive his multiple offenses against me, my family and our ministry.

here's how i figure it: only GOD really knows if he's changed. i'm not convinced, but i'm willing to sit back and wait it out. time will tell. if he has changed, then great. i'll be happy. if not, i won't be surprised, and i'll be there to help pick up the pieces this guy leaves in his wake. i hope he has dealt with those issues that caused him to do what he did to us. and i hope no one does to him what he did to us and others in ministry.

so i blessed him. i prayed that GOD would strengthen his character and help him be both spiritually and emotionally healthy. i prayed that his change is indeed genuine. i prayed for his church. i prayed he'd be a good pastor and that he'd take care of his congregation. i prayed he and his leaders would have wisdom and truth to guide them in their decisions. i prayed that GOD would bless their efforts to reach their community.

i feel good about it. he becomes the first to be deleted from the list this time around. i'm sure it's about time! now on to the next...

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