Wednesday, December 16, 2009

still standing

my week has been really sucky. i'm trying to eat healthy and exercise. so what have i done? eat, eat, eat. exercise a whopping 10 minutes. i'm been doing devotionals from joel osteen's devotional book, and he's only one of the most encouraging, positive people on the planet. how's my attitude? well, last night i almost came unglued. i was ready to twist someone's head off for a minor offense. i've been angry this week, and i can feel it affecting me physically. i haven't worked on ministry stuff at all, and not one item on my household chore list has gotten done. add to that, someone took my "save the tatas" magnet off my truck this week. who does that?

every goal i've set for this week...i've failed. i'm angry. i'm frustrated. i'm full of shame and regret. i can't seem to do anything right. i just want this week to be over. something's got to give.

i was exercising and losing weight until i changed jobs. now i can't get used to the schedule, and i need to figure out when i'm going to exercise again. i'm emotionally eating again...a bad habit that i hate with a vengeance yet can't seem to break. i have felt so insecure and unqualified to do the ministry that i know GOD has called me to do, and therefore, i can't make myself work on it. and when i'm home, i just want to sleep, not clean.

i've got to push through this... somehow. if i can just get through this week without having given up, i think i'll be ok.

GOD, give me strength to get through this junk i'm going through. help me, at the very least, not to rip anyone's head off. please take away this anxiety i have in regards to my eating habits. help me figure out a schedule in which i can fit in exercise. help me be more efficient with my time. take away my insecurity and discouragement. help me rest and quit stressing. if i can get through the week and still be standing, i'll consider it a great and glorious victory. just stand. that seems all i can do...the victorious life sounds amazing. maybe next week, i'll realize it. but for now...i have to stay standing.


Emily Case said...

I know all these feelings. What sometimes helps me is to remember that God doesn't call the qualified. God qualifies the called. If you need it, and God wants you to do it--God will make a way. Jonah was a coward, Moses stuttered, Noah was drunk, Ruth wasn't Jewish and her husband was dead, Mary was lazy, Martha was a nag, Matthew was a theif (or tax collector :) )....I can go on. You are wonderful and called. Rely on that.

We're all imperfect and human, and that's why God loves us. God loves you. Very much. You can do it. Start over again. Your past doesn't matter nearly as much as the next breath you take.

Praying for you.


Missy Cobb said...

I wish we lived closer!!!! We could be each others motivators!!!! This has been one of THE worst weeks of my life and doesnt look like it's going to get any better for awhile! I, like you, am ready to bite someones head off and at my job, that's a really bad thing!!!! Maybe I need to get a copy of that book as well. I need something to get me UP!!!!! I will pray for you....

hope hammond said...

thanks for the comment... the book i'm using is joel osteen's daily readings from your best life now. it has 90 devotions. it's been really good. hope your week gets better. =)