Saturday, February 20, 2010

the emotional volcano finally erupted

how do i let go? why can't i let go? why does it make me so angry? why do i care what any of them do, say or think? they shouldn't even be on my radar. anyone who goes around doing what was done...they can't possibly be at peace in their lives. why do i let them wreck my own peace?

been trying to work through a situation for a while. i thought i was going to be ok, but i'm not. i can't let go of the hurt that was caused. i can't forgive the offenders. i don't like who i become when i am confronted with those people. they just don't get it. i know i hurt myself by not letting it go, but i want to scream from the top of lungs! no one seems to get that it was wrong. or either they just don't care. it's not right. it's not fair. it's a grave injustice. and no one seems to get that! it's not ok. and no one stood up and did the right thing. and i was silenced. and i hate that as much as i hate what happened. and it just keeps going. and it won't stop. what was is still not enough. the whispers continue, the snide remarks, the entitled get their way, and no one stops to think. no one stops to consider. they did what they thought they had to do. and it hurt. and it left a wake. and no one gets it. or no one cares. it just is.

GOD, i'm angry at you 2. why didn't you stop it? why didn't you scream until someone with a conscience listened? or did you, but they shut their ears? why do bad things happen to good people? and good things happen to bad people? why can't you make my pain go away? i tried saying the words...i forgive...and nothing happened. i tried it again. and again. and again. nothing. or so it seems. does it have to get this bad for me to finally let go? do you get it? please. help. me. make this darkness go away. let the morning bring a new start. let the dawn chase away my pain and anger. peace. that's what i want. yet it seems to elude me. they don't have the right to keep my peace away from me. why did i let them have it? how do i get it back?

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