Monday, September 14, 2009

living a life of integrity

i try to live my life with integrity. in order to do that i have to be a whole person. remember in school when we learned about integers? they're whole numbers. integrity is about being a whole person.

we tend to think integrity is all about character, but that's only part of the picture. integrity includes character, but it also includes competence in our field/ministry and chemistry with those around us.

i spent a few years living life as an incomplete person. i had the competence, but my character and chemistry were lacking. because of some situations in my life, i had let bitterness sink deeply in my heart, which in turn affected my chemistry with those around me. i couldn't connect with others. i didn't trust others.that's when i decided to start my journey towards wholeness. when the bitterness got too uncomfortable and my fear of people robbed me of my joy, i knew i had to change. it's not easy being an outgoing person who's afraid of people.

i know i have issues left to deal with, and they will be confronted over time. i have a list. it includes people and issues that i need to forgive. the first time i made this list, it was 3 pages long...front and back. that's a lot of junk. it's now down to half a page. i began praying for those people and journaling about my situations, my issues, my hatred. i also have trusted friends that help me process and pray through the junk in my life. though my approach won't work for everyone, it has worked wonders for me. my confidence, my laughter, my peace are returning. i thank GOD that he loves me too much to let me stay like i am.

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