Saturday, September 19, 2009

why can't my butt just twitch?

i guess i can safely say that i have been pretty stressed out lately. i have my facial tic back. it's my eye actually, and it twitches..a lot! i heard someone else talk about his facial tic years ago. i laughed as he voiced his question, "why can't i have a butt twitch? no one sees a butt twitch, but everyone sees a facial twitch!" i can identify.

i try to avoid those times of intense stress. i walk. i pray. i give myself a time-out. i try to deal with the situation. unfortunately, no matter how hard i try to elude it, that tic finds me. i think it's obvious, so i try to avoid eye contact with those around me during those times.

why am i stressed? because i'm a mom and i'm in ministry. don't get me wrong. i love being a mom, and i love being in ministry. but let's face it. sometimes, both are downright hard! i'm sure i worry more than i should. i think i don't worry so much as i prepare myself for every possible outcome. i've been caught off-guard before. not particularly a fan of the blind-side, i play out the outcomes like a movie in my head. "if this happens, then i'll do this. if that happens, i'll respond that way." it's probably insanity. but before i get diagnosed with a neurological disorder, let me interject that i've taken the facebook quiz which said i was perfectly normal, fyi.

i've wondered if perhaps i lack faith. maybe i lack self-confidence. maybe i just think too much. i don't know. but one thing i do know is that particularly at times like those, i need to practice having an attitude of gratitude. i know it sounds trite. however, it helps keep me positive, and it helps me look at life through the right kind of filter. i'm not "there" yet, but i'm headed in the right direction.

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