Thursday, March 25, 2010

revisiting the past

i finally have peace that has eluded me for years. i'm happy. i put smiley faces on everything! i'm spreading the happiness wherever i go. i carry on conversations with complete strangers and make eye contact with people i pass. this is huge for me because for about 8 years i've been a sanguine who's afraid of people. well, not anymore. i feel like me again! and my perspective on life is so much brighter.

but i got my first real challenge this week since my heart healed. i got pulled into a situation that i consciously and determinedly walked away from years ago. the toxicity stunted me emotionally and spiritually, made me insecure, brought me countless tears and sleepless nights. i had to get distance. i had to establish boundaries. i would suffer and work through whatever i had to in order to keep this from spreading to others and from tearing me apart.

i was forced into temporarily revisiting that past. i fought discouragement. i fought anger. and in the middle of my journey to the past, GOD spoke to me in that still, small voice. he lifted my chin and told me i didn't have to go back. he showed me how far i'd come. he confirmed to my heart that i need not engage in the turmoil. i think GOD gives good advice. i looked back, not to stay there, but to realize the goodness of GOD. and in the night when all was still and quiet, i whispered in my heart, "thanks GOD." my smile returned, and my body surrendered to sleep.

1 comment:

Ginger Fletcher said...

I've had situations in the past where it seemed that the past was revisiting me again, just to see how I react. I thank God for the holy spirit who leads and guides me. And yes, reminds us of how far we have come. Thanks for this post!