Friday, January 8, 2010

it's not you, it's me...or is it?

sometimes you have to get really uncomfortable to change. i think i'm there on an issue. i take things too personally. i don't want to be insensitive, but seriously, something's gotta give here. sometimes things happen. they just do. why? is there a reason? yes. no. maybe. who knows?

my first thought anytime something goes wrong where i'm concerned is "what did i do?" or "what's wrong with me?" it's ok, even good to be introspective, but not when you take it as far as i do. though it's not the case all the time, sometimes i think it's self-absorption to be this introspective. i do it to a fault. i know this. i am aware of this. i blame myself anytime something goes wrong. i can't seem to forgive myself. that's an unhealthy response.

and i always think i'm a horrible person...but what if i'm not? what if sometimes it's not me? what if it's not my fault? what if i didn't do anything wrong? what if the other person is having a bad day? what if they have issues?

a healthy perspective is needed here. sometimes things just happen, and it's nobody's fault. sometimes things happen, and it is my fault. but sometimes...maybe once in a blue moon or so...something happens, and it's not me. it really is you. could it be? it's worth a thought or two.

i'm not a bad person. i'm not a mean person. overly sensitive? i would say so in many areas of my life. not all. i'm confident in a few areas, so i'm not a complete mess.

but i think i had an epiphany tonight. it's not always me! and so what if it is sometimes?... life goes on. i try to make amends. i do the best i can... but whatever the case may be...life goes on. and i'm tired of hurting. life goes on... and gives the gift of a new start with each new break of day.

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