Hope Discovers The Action of Non-Action

My husband is not a complicated man, yet he perplexes me and has done so for years.

I am a woman of action in most circumstances. If something needs to be said, I say it. Since I don't have much of a filter, that gets me into trouble sometimes, but at least the elephant in the room gets a 'shout out.' If something needs to be done, I don't wait for permission. I get to work. Sometimes I get bogged down because I see so many things that need my attention, but at least someone is doing something.

And then there's that laid-back, go-with-the-flow husband of mine who sometimes seems blissfully ignorant of the stress and problems that surrounds us. He's calm. He's patient. He smiles. He's content. He listens. He considers.

He doesn't react. And that has driven me crazy for years! To say that I have been befuddled is quite the understatement. I am animated enough for the both of us I suppose, but in some of the circumstances we've been in, I just could not understand for the life of me how he could just NOT react!

And then I met a Hindu and a Buddhist while in college in my religious studies courses. And I began to understand. Now I am no expert on these religions. Not even close. But over the course of a couple of semesters, I came to understand a little bit about the action of non-action. In Christianity, we have a similar teaching for this. James 1:19 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

It's not non-action. It doesn't mean you don't do anything because you're lazy and apathetic. It's more like the 'action of non-action.' It takes discipline. It takes practice...for some of us, more than others. It takes a conscious decision. And it can be powerful.

My husband and I actually put this into practice together a while back. We had a situation arise, and we both made the decision to not engage. We chose to take the course of non-action. He took the lead because he is the more experienced one in this area. And I was simply astounded! I watched as situations unfolded and worked themselves out. There were times I wanted to intervene, but I chose not to. I did vent to some trusted friends, though. The weight of the world did not rest on my shoulders, and my stress level was minimal. It worked itself out before my very eyes! Now I prayed like crazy during this time, but chose not to act because it wasn't the right thing to do here.

Now is this how things normally happen when you choose the action of non-action? I don't know. I am new to this. Does this mean you should never react? I don't think so. I think there is a balance. I think discernment is needed.

As I look back on my parenting style, I realize I kind of did this with my kids. There were many times, I didn't react. I stepped back and let them learn on their own. I let them realize there were consequences to their actions. I let them learn responsibility. I let them learn social skills. But there were times I had to intervene. It took some practice, but I eventually learned when to act and when not to. My kids have turned out pretty good. I can't complain. I really can't.

So maybe I'm not too bad at this action of non-action after all, but I still don't hold a candle to my husband. There is hope for me, though I don't see myself choosing the action of non-action when I witness the injustices of referees on a basketball court. Baby steps. One thing photography has taught me is that I don't have to know everything or be perfect at everything, I just have to be better than last week. I think I might can manage that.

To actively act or to non-actively act...yes, that is the question. God, grant me the wisdom to know when to apply each in my life.

Meet Hoyt

This is Hoyt. He is a member of my church, New Beginning Worship Center of Macon, Georgia. I love this man! And he is one of my favorite people to photograph.

He loves to tell stories. He often talks about the two loves of his life. He was married to one woman a little over 20 years and another for 25. Hoyt is in his 80s from what I can gather, and he cherishes his independence.

Hoyt prays for this church. He prays during the week, and he comes early every Sunday evening to pray. He prays for specific needs, he prays for my husband and our family, and he prays that God will send people to our church. He also acts on those prayers.

Last week, Hoyt showed up early as usual for church, but this time he had a basketball with him. He was at Walmart and saw the aisle with basketballs and decided to buy one for my kids and all the others that God is going to send us. "Kids need something to play with. That's why I bought it. When they come, I want them to stay and play."

He then proceeded to put me to shame in a quick game of basketball. I bricked three shots in a row before making my first one. He made his first three. I quit. Apparently, my kids did not get their affinity for basketball from their mother.

 

Here are two more of my favorites. The black and white photo was taken at our church Christmas party. Hoyt was sporting his Christmas tie.

I took the other photo at our church New Year's party. I had already put away my camera, and I was playing a game with some of the women. I turned around to see Hoyt pushing this little cutie around, and I ran and grabbed my camera. You should have heard them both laughing and having a good time. Hoyt loves kids. He just wanted to make this little guy happy, so he put down his cane and pushed this toy car around in circles for probably 10 minutes. It was one of the sweetest things!

Hoyt is very thoughtful and caring. I mentioned that he prays for my hubby and our family. It's true. I've heard him during Sunday evening prayer ask God to bless us and protect us. He talks to my kids. He brought boxes of chocolates for everyone the Sunday after Valentine's Day. He bought that basketball for my kids and those who are yet to come. He opens doors and greets people as they enter the church. He's taken my hubby and me out for Sunday lunch. He calls me 'baby' when hugs me and tells me he loves me. This is a precious man. The world needs more like him. He just loves people. It doesn't matter who they are or what they've done. He loves us all.

Acceptance

In Chris Maxwell's book, Pause, he asks us to look in the mirror and accept the person looking back and to look through our neighborhoods and accept the people nearby.

Acceptance...this is both easy and difficult for me.

When I decided to go back to school and get my degree, I wondered if I'd be accepted. I chose Georgia State University in downtown Atlanta not just because it offered a degree in public relations but because of the diversity the school offered.

Not everyone looked, thought or acted like I did. Nor did they look, think or act like everyone else I'd ever known. I was fascinated, though at times a little scared and insecure. But I soon learned that it was easy to accept them. They made it easy. They openly accepted me.

I made friends easily and accepted into my social circle people of different faiths, ideologies, orientations and cultures. They made me a better person. I hope they can say the same about me.

Accepting others nearby is the easier one. Accepting the person in the mirror...now that's a bit of a challenge.

I read a while back that part of integrity is acceptance. Acceptance of both the good and the not-so good about ourselves. When we accept all of who we are, we are integrated. We have integrity. Integrity is not a lofty ideal. It is...realness.

In general, I like who I am. But I have difficulty accepting some things about myself. I don't particularly care for the way I look. I get easily discouraged when it comes to my weight. I learned at a young age to associate happiness and success with thinness. That thinking has messed me up on many occasions. There are some things I need to change and other things I need to accept.

I don't like my relationship with God right now. My faith is on a roller coaster complete with ups, downs and loops. It's hard to trust when all is silent, when the doors are closed, when the darkness surrounds. I'm fighting to trust and fighting to believe. I'm fighting to accept. To help, I have a picture on my Facebook page that reminds me not to confuse God's patience with his absence.

Chris reminds me in his chapter about acceptance that I need to accept and experience life and all its abundances. And that reminds me of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Chris Maxwell's book Pause