time for resolutions

i know...

some people don't believe in new year's resolutions. that's ok. i think of them more as new beginnings. even as i write this, i smile about the term "new beginnings" because it seems so appropriate. the year of 2010 started out with us having home church, but during the spring, we decided to give a new church a chance. the name? avalon, which means "new beginning." i guess i'm carrying my time of new beginnings into 2011.

a few days ago, our pastor blogged about the church's annual daniel fast. i've never done that before. to be honest, it seemed more like a spiritual fad to me. i've not always been a fan of fasting, partly due to a "super spiritual" couple i used to know who, every two weeks, would brag about just having come off another three-week fast. as a result, i tend to roll my eyes when people start talking about fasts. however, avalon and pastor ritchie have been winning my trust over the past few months, so i decided to talk to david about it, who seemed pretty positive about us joining the fast.

so i've been thinking about what i feel i need to focus on during this fast. i have once again been turning to food to fill the holes in my soul. this is both a physical and a spiritual issue for me. i realized on my walk today that i have toxins in my body and toxins in my spirit. and they need to go away. and i need to deal with them. i also have some questions about what paths i need to choose in regards to life and ministry. and i'll be joining in with my church in our collective prayers to find and know the will of GOD for the church.

already, i can feel GOD gently speaking to my heart and dealing with me about letting go of the things that cause me harm both physically and spritually. i know GOD wants me to have a new beginning, but i know i can't go into a new beginning until i let go of the past. even now, my heart is torn. even now, my spirit aches. i know this won't be easy, but i know that the journey will be worth it.

personal: diet

i've chosen to follow the "weigh down" principles of weight loss. it's like this: you get to eat what you want as long as you eat only when you're hungry and stop when you get full. it also has a spiritual aspect. many of us have holes in our souls. i am no different. i try to fill my holes with food. the problem is food doesn't fill those holes. the food just makes me fat. i'm an emotional eater, so this is a problem. i need to turn to GOD to fill those holes for me, not food.



i've been doing this for 2 days now. it hasn't been too hard yet, although it's had its moments. there are times when i'm not hungry, but i want to eat anyway. i'm feeling that right now, as a matter of fact.



i'm just bored. normally, i'd find something to snack on, and before i realized it, that snack would have turned into a bigger snack. that adds up to a lot of calories that i didn't need to have.



i know this approach works. my lowest weight as a mom came when i did weigh down. i was in a size 6. then i got pregnant, and i went back to my bad habits. bye-bye size 6!



i don't know if i'll get back down to that, but i must get control over my emotional eating. one day at a time! and if that's too much...one hour at a time!

self-improvement update

my 3 areas of self-improvement:



weight loss:

did pretty well until this weekend and totally blew it. according to charts i saw this morning, i should be 30 pounds lighter to be in the middle of my healthy weight range. so i will attempt to start anew today. i have only eaten when hungry, but it is only 10:30. the most difficult time for me is the evening and night. my goal today is to take it one moment at a time to eat healthy and exercise at least 15 minutes. it's not much, but it's a start. i just want to start developing better habits.



daily devotional:

i got a new devotional book by joel osteen called your best life now. it's already helping me to have a positive attitude and outlook. yesterday's reading was taken from hebrews 11. i got stuck at verse 34 "...whose weakness was turned into strength." i take that as a promise. i have a number of weaknesses and insecurities. i will have faith that they will be turned into strength.



ministry:

i spent hours working on it last week. i finally got the brochure done, i think. i'm planning to concentrate on 2 sessions this week. one is about leading with scars. i'm starting to feel more comfortable with the thought of public speaking...most days.



one other area:

i'm trying to get my house organized and cleaned up, so if i can just get one thing done each day, i'll feel like i actually accomplished something. i'll be making a list today of things that need to get done.

transformation: emotional eating

got to confess. today was a little more challenging on my journey to transformation. i found it very painful to eat only one serving of my yummy dark chocolate with orange and almond slivers. dang! but i did it! it's wrapped up very nicely in a bag and is resting in the pantry. my heart is screaming for it, but i have to remind myself that my heart will not be satisfied with chocolate or food of any kind. my stomach is satisfied. it desires no more food. once again, i'm trying to fill a void in my heart with food. GOD, please fill my heart with you. my heart yearns for something. emotional eating only makes me feel guilty and packs the weight on. give me strength to pull away from the call of the chocolate. i know this sounds silly, but i am dead serious right now. i don't ever want to be a slave to food again. fill my heart with peace.

speaking out on women's health

as are many women this week, i, too, am both disturbed and concerned about the announcement and recommendations that have recently been made public regarding women's health, specifically breast health. i am not in the medical field and am not an expert, but i am a woman, and i do have a voice. today i choose to put it use.

i think a lot of us fear that these guidelines diminish the importance of women and our health. we've worked very hard in the history of our country to be taken seriously, to be treated with respect, and to be considered equal. i fear that these recommendations have set us back a hundred years or more. i've read a number of articles in which the new recommendations are considered patronizing, that women shouldn't worry so much, that we get hysterical about such things. forgive my sarcasm when i say that it's only our breasts. the breasts that bring nourishment to our infants and, yes, pleasure to our lovers. it's only one of the signs of our becoming women. it's only our lives and our well-being. why should we be concerned?

without early detection, a few women in my life wouldn't be here. all are under 50. all were diagnosed with breast cancer. i am approaching 40 as are many of my friends. this affects me. it affects my friends and family. i'd rather my sisters be safe than sorry. i realize there is still so much to learn about breast cancer, but to tell us to just not worry about it and forget about the precautions that we've been taught without offering us a real and valid alternative based on new technology is irresponsible. we are told to continue taking these precautions if we happen to be at high risk, but who determines who is high risk and who is not? not everyone who is diagnosed has a family history of cancer.

should we sacrifice our health to save a few bucks? i say we should find some other solution. and i do not believe the government should be taking on this endeavor. my husband used to do work for the government in the engineering field. the red tape and incompetence of the government can be astounding. government-run healthcare is not the solution. my kids are on well care, which is government-maintained. it's a mess. yes, my children have health coverage, but when there are few or even no doctors willing to take it in your area, it's as if they have no health care.

we need to encourage women to speak out. we need to encourage our government representatives to get educated about who they represent. we need to send the message that we vote and that we have voice. women are powerful. we matter and so does our health.

my journey with emotional eating

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. my name is hope, and i'm an emotional eater. what i haven't said before is that i've lost 10 pounds now! i got on the scale this morning, and i smiled back at it rather than frown or curse it!

i'm learning to go to GOD with my emotions instead of running to food. i know it sounds odd to run to food for comfort, but i've done it for years. not surprisingly, it never brought me lasting satisfaction. it brought me depression over my weight and lack of control. i stopped walking for weight control and started walking for stress management. i also walk sometimes just so i can dream or spend time with GOD. it's not as hard to get motivated to walk these days.

emotional baggage is heavy, and every item i give up is another pound lost. i'm hoping to shed another 8 lbs by november 1st. it's a lot to let go of, but i think i'm up for the challenge. Romans 12:2 says, "...let GOD transform you into a new person by changing the way you think."