Making the Most of It

Public speaking...everyone's favorite pastime, right?

Yeah...not hardly.

But it is a requirement for graduation, and I could put it off no longer.

So I decided to make the most of it and just have fun with it. Turns out...it's one of my favorite classes now. Of course, it doesn't hurt that the teacher is incredibly gifted at teaching and has made this an enjoyable experience. She knows her stuff and is passionately creative about it. And just yesterday, she let us out early. Gotta love that! Go Ms. Kofoed!!!

I'm not just getting more comfortable at giving speeches, but I'm learning to take some risks and to slow down. I've become more confident and have found out a little bit more about myself and how I'm perceived.

I know that public speaking is not what I do best, although my professor says I'm a natural speaker if only I'd slow down! I know I'm not the best speaker in my class, and that's ok. But I own what I do, and I'm just enjoying being myself. Come to find out...I'm considered very personable when giving speeches even if I do sound like a chipmunk on crack. Thus, I'm learning to slow down. 

I maintain that it's not that I speak too fast, it's that people in the South think too slow!

I've enjoyed learning my lesson of how to make the best of a not so desirable situation. I'm praying that will carryover into other areas of life as well. Although the situation definitely requires stretching myself and results in growth, I am finding out that the journey can be a lot of fun in the process. Learning is lifelong, and I'm finally embracing that. And while I'm at it, I'm learning to have fun with it.

It's funny the things God uses to teach us. In this case, public speaking class.  Who knew?

To My Daughter Upon Entering High School

This is a letter I wrote to my daughter Lily for her 8th grade banquet.

Dear Lily,

I always wanted a little girl. You have no idea how excited I was when you were born. You were tiny with a head full of dark hair. We put a little pink bow in your hair and took you home the next day.

About a week later, your dad and I packed up you and your big brothers and headed off for Washington state for your dad's job. About halfway there, you started having seizures in my arms. I have never been so afraid in my life. I saw your brief life and my visions for your future flash before my eyes, and for a second I thought I would lose my little flower girl to eternity.

But God had other plans, and no one is happier than I. We never knew why you had those seizures, but time and medicine took the problem away. You have now grown to be a beautiful, intelligent and talented young lady.

I know that right now you don't know what you'll be when you grown up, and that's all right. You have time to figure all that out. Too often we rush toward the destination; and although it's good and noble to have goals, it's just as important to enjoy and embrace the journey. Take in the sights. Laugh a lot. Put yourself in others' shoes. Be fearless. Make the most of the moments God has given you. You'll get to the destination one day along with the rest of humanity. However, unlike those who just coast through life, you will be able to say you lived with no regrets.

I am proud of you. I always have been. These first few years of your life have been wonderful, but I bet there are even better things in store for you.

Always do your best. Don't settle for mediocrity. Keep your eyes on God. Guard your character and integrity. Love, respect, and listen to others, especially those who are different from you. They have a lot they can teach you, too. You are a special young lady with a lot to offer the world.

And don't just learn what to think, learn how to think. Know not just what you believe but why you believe it. Ask questions. Questioning God doesn't mean you have a lack of faith; it shows you take your faith seriously. God is big enough to handle each and every question, and it gives Him the opportunity to reveal to you His glory and wonder.

Your dad and I love you very much. These are exciting days. Enjoy them. Embrace them. We are excited for you and the journey that awaits you.

With all my heart,
Mom

Don't Stop

As I'm approaching the end of my first year back at college, I am finding it difficult to keep on going. I think I see a flicker of light at the end of a dark tunnel, but I'm not sure about that. After this semester, I have 2 more semesters to go. I keep telling myself, "One more month till summer. Just one more month. You can do this." And everyday, I feel myself slipping into despair. The end will never come. One month is too long.

Now that I've sufficiently bummed everyone out, I will try to remedy that. I have come to realize that those are the times I need to take a deep breath and tell myself to just get through the day. That's it. That's all. Just one day. That day turns into two and then three until Thursday afternoon arrives marking the end of another week and bringing me one week closer to graduation.

I could give up. I did take a weekend off from studying. What an attitude I had, too! I'm NOT going to study. I HATE school. I'm NOT going to be responsible. ...and I sat on my sofa and played computer games all weekend. Monday rolled around, and I got my butt in gear and studied like there was no tomorrow...well, you know what I mean.

I didn't give up. I took a break. But then I got back in there, and I persevered. It paid off.

My point is that when life gets overwhelming, sometimes you need to take a break and rest for a moment and then suck it up and keep going. Don't stop. Don't give up. It's amazing how you get a little momentum going and before you know it, all is well. Or even if all doesn't turn out well, it's done and you survived. Sometimes that's a major accomplishment.

So...I'm taking my advice tonight. Take a moment and rebel against the system. OK. Now remember your goal. And get back in there and study. You can do this. Just keep going. Don't stop. Don't give up.

reflecting on my first semester

it feels so good to accomplish something. a few months ago, i took a leap of faith and applied to georgia state university. this past friday, i finished up my first semester of classes. i only have finals, and then i'm done until january. i can hardly believe it.

i used to be afraid to drive in atlanta. now, i do it three days a week or more. i used to be afraid of large schools. now i attend one with over 30,000 students. i used to be insecure and unsure. now i'm inching ever-so-closely to confidence. i experienced so many "firsts" and comfort-stretching situations. and now i'm a better person for having done it. i've learned persistence pays off...if you haven't heard, i FINALLY got awarded the hope scholarship this year!!!

i wanted to get started on my career, but i also wanted to get out of my church bubble and meet new and different people. that's been my favorite part. i'm going to miss the ones i've gotten to know over the past few weeks, but i'm looking forward to making even more friends. i have enjoyed chatting it up with muslims and atheists and people from all over the world. and i thank GOD that he has allowed our paths to cross. i hope i've added as much value to their lives as they've added to mine.

looking forward to new challenges..but first, i have to get through finals week! it's all good, though!

young people know it all...what a relief!

i love college. i really do. i love meeting new people. i love being challenged intellectually. it's a great experience. but there are a few things i'm not fond of. for starters, twenty-year-old snots giving me lectures about the "real world" and their idea that somehow they are intellectually superior as well. i've been a stay-at-home mom for years. i'll admit that i don't have much paid work experience, but that doesn't mean i'm stupid. the majority of stay-at-home moms don't have time to sit in front of the tv all day watching soap operas. we volunteer, we manage households, we become experts in time management, we chauffeur children back and forth, we make appointments, we teach our children, we diagnose ailments, we stay up late working on school projects, we organize activities, we create meals, we purchase goods, we work with other moms and groups of people, and much, much more. we may not get paid, but we certainly aren't stupid. well, guess what...this mom has better grades than you! ha!

call me a goody-goody because i value honesty and reliability. in the real world, i get to keep my job and credibility. call me a suck-up (language cleaned up due to young readers) because i'm nice and respectful to others. in the real world, that behavior gets me respected and furthers my career if i'm sincere, which i am. you may think you know it all, but here's the thing. i got married about the time you were born. i think i have a clue about this real world of which you speak. don't worry about me. i'll be just fine. and when you wonder why i have a smile on my face when you're trying to teach me about the real world, it's because i'm laughing at you on the inside and wondering what adults thought of me when i, too, knew it all.

rolling with the punches

i received news that i got turned down again for the hope scholarship. i do have some interesting circumstances that make my situation unique; however, reason should win out here nonetheless. so, once again i'm moving on up to the next person with hopes that someone who can extend an exemption will understand and grant it to me.

it's very frustrating. can't lie about that. but i'm not altogether bummed.

GOD keeps sending me little bits of encouragement and perspective. he's quite relentless, to be honest.

songs on the radio saying it's going to be all right, blogs that i subscribe to in my inbox talking about rolling with the punches, quotes regarding flexibility. OKAY, GOD, I GET THE MESSAGE! loud and clear! lol!

so, today, GOD's message to me is to roll with it, i'm guessing.

and roll i did. i guess i'm realizing that life is full of setbacks and disappointments, but that doesn't mean GOD's not actively working on my behalf. i have to trust that he's taking care of me and my situation. this i know: i am learning some valuable lessons about dealing with people in frustrating circumstances, and i must be getting better at pleading my case and winning them over. they seem to want to help me now. i have a feeling it will work out like it should. no need to worry about it. i'll keep doing my part. all i can do is the best i can do. i'll leave the rest to GOD. if the money doesn't come by this way, it will come by another. still praying for favor, GOD! =)

keeping my eyes on the goal

i have truly been loving school, but i have to admit these last 2 days of classes have been kicking my butt. add to that, my financial aid woes are starting to get me down. still praying about that.

one of my professors calls this "fall fever." i call it my "what was i thinking" phase. i know this, too, shall pass. i'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now as i am studying for tests and starting to write papers.

i knew there would come a time when the new-ness of school would wear off. i knew it would get tough.

and since i knew these times would come, i tried to prepare...

i see myself walking across the stage to receive that paper for which i've long labored. i see myself depositing that first paycheck and taking my family shopping and buying them everything i haven't been able to afford these last few years. i look forward to the day when i can say "yes, you can have that. we have the money for it now." and i can't wait to save a little of each check to give to those in need, especially those in ministry. and so far, those thoughts are getting me through.

it's easy to think that i'm behind the game since i've been out of school for so long. and it's easy to get overwhelmed by those thoughts. but then i look around and see that i'm not the only one not getting a concept. i'm not the only one that looks lost or confused. there are others. and i take comfort in knowing i'm not alone. not to mention, i know i'm smart enough and determined enough to get through this.

so i'm trying to keep focused on the big picture, on the future that awaits me, and not get bogged down in the details.

the way i figure it...it's kind of like the story of peter walking on the water to JESUS. like peter, i got out of the boat. i know there's a storm. and i have a choice: i can keep my eyes on JESUS, where my destination lies or i can get overwhelmed by the storm. i'm trying to keep my eyes focused on my goal, but i do know that if i start to sink, i can count on JESUS to rescue me.

throwing christians to the lions?

"if you send your kids to a secular college, you are throwing them to the lions." -anonymous

i cringed when i heard this.

i fully intend to research the topic of college students losing their faith and dropping out of church due to attending non-christian colleges. my initial research is quite interesting and contradictory at times. i can't wait to really delve into this. ...should be interesting.

in the meantime, however...

what bothers me at first glance is the assumption that the world is a horrible and hostile place. i've been praying for some time that GOD would help me get out of my christian bubble, and that i could see the world through his eyes. going back to a large urban school, i am definitely outside the bubble...and i love it! yes, there are at times anti-christian sentiments and ideas presented, i hear cursing a little more than i do in christian circles, i sit in classes with people who live alternative lifestyles. once again...i have to say...i love it! i'm not afraid of that world. it's not a horrible and hostile environment. it's a rich environment in which to share GOD's love and light. i'm not preachy. in fact, i've yet to share that i'm a christian with anyone. i smile, i talk to people, i listen, i walk to class with them, i encourage them, i thank them when they help me with something, i ask them about their plans and families, etc. just recently, i met up with someone that appeared to be involved in some alternative lifestyle. she immediately lashed out as if to hurt me before i could hurt her. i didn't let it phase me. instead, i treated her with respect, and by the end of our conversation, i think i opened the door for friendship. you see, i think she expected to be mistreated. but i know something that she may not...GOD loves her. and if i want to share GOD with her, i need to be a safe place for her just as GOD is a safe place for me. we're all afraid of the world being a hostile place. but i don't need to fear. GOD is with me. and i can share his light and peace with others.

i think a lot of our judgments about public schools being bad is rooted in a lack of faith. this has nothing to do with my research, just some observations. when we say things like "our kids will drop out of church if they go somewhere other than a christian college," i think we downplay the power of GOD. if we really believe in GOD, i think we have to believe in his power to overcome the world. i guess when i hear that we're throwing our kids to the lions, i hear "the faith that my kids have is weak. they won't make it." that's fear. that's lack of faith. but maybe we have a point there.

let me explain...

in our christian bubble, we tend to tell people what to think. this is right. this is wrong. do this. christians don't do that. but we forget something really important...WHY! why do we believe this? why do we do that? and if our response is...because the bible says so...that's a copout. we need to know what the bible says, but even deeper...why does the bible say that? does it really even say it? my philosophy...question everything. know what you believe and why you believe it. if you search for truth, you will find it. i believe in GOD, but i didn't take someone else's word for it. i questioned his existence as well. i searched and i found. and GOD seemed fine with that. i don't believe GOD is afraid of our questions. i think he relishes them.

i think we are not to fear the world. i think we should see the beauty and opportunity. the beauty is that GOD created each person and loves each and every one, and we have the opportunity to share love and light where there is little or none. i think we need to search for truth. i think we need to ask the hard questions. i think we need to hear what others believe. i think we need to spend time with people who are different from us. i think we need to learn to respect diversity. i think we need to say with our actions and attitudes more than our words that we love and follow after CHRIST. i think that when we do, we will be given the opportunity to speak the words that can bring salvation and hope to the world in which we live.

now, these are just my opinions, but i think they're pretty darn good ones. i know from experience that not everyone who goes to a christian college is a christian. i also know that not everyone who goes to a secular college is going to fall away from the faith. i'm saying let's think about this and have a little perspective.