To My Little Katybug

I had to write what I thought about my youngest daughter for her 8th grade scrapbook. She's such a wonderful little girl, so this was easy. Here it is...

Sometimes the best things in life are surprises.

No more babies.  That was my plan. I had three beautiful children, and I thought our family was finally complete. But God had other plans. He decided we weren’t quite finished yet, and he gave me a wonderful surprise – my sweet little Katybug.

Amazing. Kind. Generous. Athletic. Hardworking. Smart. Bubbly. Positive. These are just a few words to describe my baby girl. Katy is rarely seen without a smile, she has a good heart, and she doesn’t let circumstances or people get her down. She surprises me everyday with her abilities, her humor and her sweet personality.

I’m glad that God sometimes ignores our plans. I’m glad that sometimes he has something better in mind. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank him for little suprises. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank him for my little Katybug.

I don't want to miss a thing...



L to R: Jonathan, Lily, Katy, Leyah (Matthew's girlfriend), Matthew



It's official. The season leading up to the empty nest has begun. My oldest is a high school senior. Next week, my baby turns 13.

I've always known they'd grow up one day. And I knew that when my first one got there, the others would be quick to follow.

I had four children in less than five years. With three in diapers and a wild toddler into everything, I felt sometimes that they would never grow up. I longed for them to grow up. Now I wish those days had lasted just a little bit longer. They were precious.

But I think if I could freeze any season of their lives, it would be now. I know it sounds crazy, but I love the teen years. There is so much excitement, so much hope. My kids are beginning to think about whom they want to be, what they want to do, and with whom they want to share it. I love watching this unfold. My husband and I have been blessed. We have good kids, and we're so very proud of them.

I've always been hesitant to give parenting advice, but I think I've earned the right now.

So here it goes:

• Cherish the moments you have with your children for time passes quickly.
• Take advantage of teachable moments, those times when you choose not to punish but rather choose to explain life through their mistakes or the mistakes of others, including your own.
• Look at your kids when they talk to you. Get down on their eye level. If you all learn to converse when they're younger, they'll keep talking when they're older. And get unlimited texting. It's fun to text your kids especially when they're in the same room with you.
• Ask yourself often, "Will this matter five years from now?" If so, address it. If not, let it go. Choose your battles.
• Go to their games, their recitals, their practices. Don't just drop them off. They love to know you're watching them and cheering them on.
• Remember your responsibility is to help your children not need you. I know it sounds harsh, and it bruises the ego. But consider this: our time with our children is limited. In that limited time we need to teach them independence, character, grounded thinking and faith. We give them the tools they need to succeed in life.

But don't worry. They always come back to us. They'll always need us for love, advice, support and gas money. But they'll be able to stand on their own two feet and take risks because we did a good job preparing them for their future.

I can't believe this time has come. Forgive me if I'm not available as much, but these next few years belong to my family. I don't want to miss a thing. I think that's the way it ought to be.

To My Daughter Upon Entering High School

This is a letter I wrote to my daughter Lily for her 8th grade banquet.

Dear Lily,

I always wanted a little girl. You have no idea how excited I was when you were born. You were tiny with a head full of dark hair. We put a little pink bow in your hair and took you home the next day.

About a week later, your dad and I packed up you and your big brothers and headed off for Washington state for your dad's job. About halfway there, you started having seizures in my arms. I have never been so afraid in my life. I saw your brief life and my visions for your future flash before my eyes, and for a second I thought I would lose my little flower girl to eternity.

But God had other plans, and no one is happier than I. We never knew why you had those seizures, but time and medicine took the problem away. You have now grown to be a beautiful, intelligent and talented young lady.

I know that right now you don't know what you'll be when you grown up, and that's all right. You have time to figure all that out. Too often we rush toward the destination; and although it's good and noble to have goals, it's just as important to enjoy and embrace the journey. Take in the sights. Laugh a lot. Put yourself in others' shoes. Be fearless. Make the most of the moments God has given you. You'll get to the destination one day along with the rest of humanity. However, unlike those who just coast through life, you will be able to say you lived with no regrets.

I am proud of you. I always have been. These first few years of your life have been wonderful, but I bet there are even better things in store for you.

Always do your best. Don't settle for mediocrity. Keep your eyes on God. Guard your character and integrity. Love, respect, and listen to others, especially those who are different from you. They have a lot they can teach you, too. You are a special young lady with a lot to offer the world.

And don't just learn what to think, learn how to think. Know not just what you believe but why you believe it. Ask questions. Questioning God doesn't mean you have a lack of faith; it shows you take your faith seriously. God is big enough to handle each and every question, and it gives Him the opportunity to reveal to you His glory and wonder.

Your dad and I love you very much. These are exciting days. Enjoy them. Embrace them. We are excited for you and the journey that awaits you.

With all my heart,
Mom

to faith

tough day... final exams. storm ripped through the area last night. my sister's birthday.

faith would have been 34 today. i don't always remember these days, but it shook me a little this time.

she was 6 when she passed. brain tumor. i was 8.

i hardly remember her now. it's been so long.

this is going to be short. i just needed to acknowledge her today. i needed to remember.

happy birthday, faith. i know i didn't tell you this enough. we were just kids. and kids think life goes on forever. had i known...i would have told you one more time. i love you.

motherly advice

i was blessed a number of years ago to get to know a state senator's wife. we attended church together, and i loved how friendly and down to earth she was. so when i got the opportunity to spend some time with her, i jumped at it. we spent a few hours together that day at the state capital for a right to life march, went by the university to say hello to her son, and went out for lunch.

we talked a lot about family that day. i was pregnant and very willing to hear whatever wisdom she offered. and years later, she still impacts me as a mom. my season of motherhood was just beginning. she was approaching the empty nest season. i soaked in everything she told me that day like a sponge.

she told me that life flies by way too quickly. enjoy each moment. enjoy my children.

and here's the best advice i got that day...something i kept tucked away for the right time. when her sons reached high school, she read everything she could on empty nest syndrome, so that when the time came, both she and her children were ready.

yes, she cried as they left her nest, but it was sweet. she didn't let it sneak up on her. in preparing, she learned to cherish the short time that was left. no regrets. her children were ready for the adventures that lay ahead, and she was prepared to let them fly.

and that's where i find myself. who knew those years would pass so quickly. one day, the labor and delivery nurse was handing me my firstborn all wrapped up snugly in a blanket. and now that baby is almost 17 years old and a junior in highschool. and he has 3 younger siblings that will leave the nest soon after he does.

i cherish our moments. i love my children and their friends, who feel like my own...like taylor fletcher and leyah brown (see, i wrote about you!!!) i'm grateful for the time i have with them all. i'm excited about their futures. they mean the world to me. this is such an exciting time for them, and i'm blessed to be able to share it with them...and that goes for taylor and leyah and all my kids at gca and gchs!

i consider that day with my friend to be one of those "GOD moments" in life. i had no idea how that bit of wisdom would impact me years later. i'm grateful for that yesterday, i'm even more grateful for my today, and i'm filled with anticipation for the future. life is good. =)

teachable moments

what a weekend! what started out to be a great and beautiful day full of promise (i realize that sounds melodramatic) turned sour. the region track meet was saturday. you should have heard us cheer my matthew on in the 1600m race. he crossed the finish line in first! our only win of the day, matthew would be moving on to compete in the state meet...at least we thought so. an hour later, someone came to let us know matthew had been disqualified. he had been announced 3 times as the winner and had been awarded his plaque. the coach at a rival school alleged sometime after the race (and after his kid had lost to matthew) that matthew had run out of bounds. matthew felt cheated. we all did. he knew he hadn't stepped out of bounds, especially the distance the coach was now claiming. we lost the initial appeal. but someone did the right thing, turned in a report, and before we even had a chance to ask for another appeal, the decision was overturned. matthew was reinstated as the winner. and he will compete at state.

david and i both felt sick over this situation. it was wrong. very wrong. after things settled down and we were back at our school, i was able to talk to matthew briefly about not letting this make him bitter. he had the opportunity to let this fuel him to be better, to be faster, to be more focused. it may have fallen on deaf ears for the moment, but i think he will take it to heart once he's had a chance to process.

he was angry. he had every right to be. david and i gave him his space. we allowed him to explore his emotions and process the events. i was probably angrier than anyone. you don't mess with a momma bear and her cubs, and you don't mess with a human momma and her children. amen?

he had one race left that day, and i believe he ran harder and faster than i'd ever seen him run. his whole team did. they placed third and also qualified for state. all of us on the sidelines were cheering and laughing about how they must really be mad to run that fast.

we kept the plaque he was awarded. i refused to give it up stating that he had rightfully earned it. no one challenged me on that. not only did he earn it, but i wanted to keep that plaque as a symbol, a reminder. i came across a quote by sophocles: "I would prefer even to fail with honor than to win by cheating.” my next teachable moment with my son? always remember how this felt, and always keep your integrity. and when you find yourself at that crossroads, do the right thing. don't allow someone else to feel what you felt at that moment.

life is full of decisions, crossroads. we have a choice. our integrity will be challenged. we can choose to do right or we can choose to do others wrong. we can choose to be bitter or we can choose to be better. we can fall and give up or we can rise with determination to overcome. what will we do? which will we choose?

can we have it all?

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin ~

this quote struck me today. i'm at a crossroads in my life. my children are getting ever so much closer to leaving the nest. they are wanting more independence, and quite honestly, so am i. most of my identity has been wrapped up in my kids. since they've gotten older, the hubby and i can resume dating, which is a great thing! one day, the kids will be gone, and i don't want us to be one of those couples who looks at each other from across the room in the quiet, lonely house and says, "who the heck are you?" so we've been reconnecting, rediscovering and preparing for the day when it's again just the two of us. yes, my youngest is 11, so it's not like the nest is going to empty tomorrow, but i know that once the first one goes (and he's 16), the others will quickly follow suit.

i love being a mom. there's nothing else i'd rather be. i love my kids. i love my husband. but something inside of me is telling me, "it's time for you to find...you. it's time for you to be... you. it's time for you to realize some of your dreams." i think that voice may have a point. so i talked to my kids and talked to the hubby. and i'm going to take the next step. i'm scared and i'm excited all at the same time. i think it's time for me to blossom.

more to come on my decisions later when i'm ready to share. too early in the game to reveal all my secrets to everyone! =)

on the view this morning, the women were discussing, "can women have it all?" had i been there, i think would have responded, "yes, but not all at the same time and not without the help of others." they were agreed. you have to have someone in your life who supports and encourages you. i am so blessed to have that in my life.

i have found that i'm good at helping others find their potential and reach their goals. now it's time i start doing the same for me. i think i may have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up. hmm. maybe i can have it all, so to speak. we'll see. i'm already most of the way there.

my kids earned it, and i'm proud of that

my kids have had so many transitions in their short life spans. starting over isn't easy. we would know. we've done it a lot. doing government work and ministry will get you transferred more than you might like. we plan to be where we are for a while. it's hard for kids to have to keep starting over once they've gotten older and have established roots in a school.

i've given this a lot of thought over the years, and today i decided to share this. my kids have always played sports, and they've always been the outsiders. it's not easy breaking into sports in a new town, especially a small one. yet my kids have always managed to do it. though it wasn't fair, i knew my kids would benefit in the long run. they have never made teams or gotten playing time based on who their parents were or how much money we had. they earned it, plain and simple. they did it by working twice as hard as anyone else and by maximizing their GOD-given abilities. and they shake it off any time someone says otherwise. they know the truth, and that's good enough for them.

and now we see it paying off. my kids are good at what they do, and i make no apologies for that. i know the hours they put into their activities, i see how focused and determined they are, and i know GOD has truly blessed them. i also know GOD will continue to honor their good stewardship of the gifts he has given them and their hard work. i am proud of my kids, and i thank GOD that he gave me the privilege of having a role in their lives.

momma's proud of you, matthew, jonathan, lily and katy! you deserve the success you have. you've worked hard, and you've earned it! way to go! i love you!

momma stuff- stages of life

i love being a mom. i admit those first few years were long and hard. sleep deprivation that lasts 5 years straight will make you feel like you're losing your mind, but i loved my little ones learning something new just about everyday, growing almost overnight sometimes. the first word, the first step...all those wonderful new discoveries! i thought that this was as good as it got, until...

the day i watched david and my two little men walking into a store together. they were pre-schoolers, and they were so adorable. for no apparent reason, my eyes teared up a little. my babies were growing up. i thought this was better than the early years.

and then they all got out of diapers and off formula, and i thought "PRAISE JESUS!" surely it didn't get better than this! the older ones were starting to play sports and go to school. how fun! they were beginning to have lives of their own. everyone told me this would be the best season of our lives together. they were wrong.

as of march 14, i will have 3 teens and 1 tween in my home. my kids are starting to dream about their future: where they want to go to college, what career choices they are entertaining. yes, we have challenges. the bigger the kid, the bigger the challenge. but i love watching my kids come into their own. i have only a few short and precious years left with them at home. i am determined to enjoy every moment. i love that my kids are becoming wise and independent. it means we've done a good job preparing them. and i pray just about everyday that the favor of GOD will rest on them. i believe i'm already seeing the results of those prayers.

i do have to give a shout-out to the wii! it has brought us together in ways that surprised me. and for once in my life, i can actually say i'm better at something than all others in my family...wii bowling! i sooo own that game, hand cramps and all. i remind my family all the time that the crown next to my name means i rule that game! (insert evil laugh) so, rock on, momma hope! and enjoy those not so little babies. they grow up so fast.

i'm a proud momma

last night, we had a school sports banquet. i had a girl on the middle school volleyball team and a boy on the varsity soccer team.

katy is just a sixth grader, but she made the volleyball team this year. she started out on the bubble. she'd never played before and couldn't serve the ball over the net. but after a couple of games, katy, with the help of her coaches figured it out. by the end of the season she was starting on the team and playing almost all the time and was getting almost all of her serves over. she's a competitive and determined little girl. when she was little, she had a lisp and was shy and reserved and self-conscious. i don't know where that little girl went. she's been replaced with a confident young lady. i'm so proud of her not only for her accomplishments but for who she is... which is sweet, tenderhearted, athletic and smart.

matthew did not intend to play soccer. he's not really a fan, but because his friends wanted to play but didn't have enough players, he not only joined the team but encouraged others to play. he learned, he worked hard, and he did pretty good. i think it was good for him. it kept him in shape for basketball and taught him footwork and positioning that will definitely come in handy this basketball season. the mvp award went to a well-deserving player on the team, but in my book, matthew's the mvp. he cared about his soocer-playing friends and made sure they had enough to play this year. i'm proud of who he is on and off the field. he's got leadership ability, and i think he's starting to figure that out.

now it's time for basketball. matthew, jonathan and katy are on their basketball teams, and lily found out this week she's the captain of the cheer team. i love my kids so much. they are good kids, and they make me so proud.

maturity is overrated according to my daughter

maturity is overrated. don't believe me? just ask my 11-year-old daughter. we had an interesting conversation friday afternoon when i picked her up early from school. she informed me that she was in the immature 6th grade class. she said everyone always talks about how much more mature the other class is. apparently, she's given this a lot of thought. her response? whatever...at least we'll live longer and be happy. i may have to agree with her on that.

katy's a bright young lady who has really begun to shine in recent years. when she was younger, she had a speech problem, a lateral lisp, which made her actually sound german in the way she pronounced some of her words. i would have killed for that lisp when i had a quarter of german diction in college. =) it left her feeling insecure, shy, sensitive and extremely quiet. but she's got a little of her momma's spunk in her. one day, a kid was making fun of the way she talked. i was in another room but i clearly heard her say that there was nothing wrong with her. she's just different. and she wore that with a confidence that i quickly admired. good for her!

katy has since gotten speech therapy, and she hasn't stopped talking. the transformation was astounding! she's now a bubbly, athletic, outgoing, kind-hearted little lady who has grown in confidence. and she's fine with being considered immature. she told me the story because she knew i'd understand. i get accused of being immature and too young to understand and i'm 35! at least i'm happy. so is my daughter.

don't take life too seriously. do the dizzies with a 3-year-old. go play in the rain. laugh at a stupid joke. do something crazy. do an activity that you know you're terrible at but you enjoy nonetheless. life is too short. it's not all about the destination. it's about the journey. might as well enjoy it. it's the only one you got. thanks, katy, for your 11-year-old wisdom!

what he did right

What He Did Right…
From the Mom’s Point of View

As usual, our date was lasting longer than it should. I was sure my mother was about to flash the front door lights to warn me that I needed to come inside. I sat on the hood of David’s gray ’95 Ford Mustang with T-tops. He stood in front of me with his hands around my tiny waist as we talked about our future plans together. We discussed everything from past loves to children. I had no doubt David would be a great father, but I wasn’t sure he knew it.

David never really knew his father. He left the family when David was a very young child. Though he talked very little about it and seemed to not be affected by it, I realized one day about the time we were expecting our first child that David was haunted by a recurring thought. His eyes were moist as he posed the questions, “What if I can’t handle being a father? What if I want to leave, too?” There were so many qualities I admired about my husband, loyalty being among them. I knew he could never leave. David confronted his demons that day. I’ve never heard those questions since.

We’ve been married now for 18 years and have four amazing children. Those early years were tough. I was a stay-at-home mom with 4 kids under the age of 5. I never could have gotten through those sleep-deprived years without such a loyal, involved, loving father to my children. I treasured our date nights and those evenings when he’d watch the kids so I could meet up with a friend at the coffee house or the mall. He took our two little boys to watch high school football games on Friday nights so I could catch up on housework or enjoy the company of a friend, and he’d get up occasionally with the babies in the middle of the night so I could get the rest I needed to make it through the next day. Those little acts of selflessness kept me sane.

As our kids got old enough to play sports, David became more than their dad. He became their coach. Not only did he teach our kids the skills necessary for the sports they played, but he taught them teamwork and sportsmanship. He demonstrated his selflessness and loyalty once again by giving up some of his own recreational activities, including his beloved softball. He says it’s because he was getting too old to play, but I know he wouldn’t have missed this time in his children’s lives for anything.

Our kids are all in middle school and high school now. After years of arranging his schedule around a game or a recital, and after a career change and a move so our kids could get a better education, David continues to be a shining example of what a father should be. Our family is entering a new season of life together. As our kids approach dating age, David has resumed his dating life, too, with the mother of his children. And in so doing, our boys are learning to be respectful young men and our daughters are learning what they should expect from future boyfriends.

I was right all along. David has been a great father from day one. He overcame his doubts and fears about fatherhood and has been an inspiration for other men desiring to be great fathers themselves. He couldn’t change his past. He couldn’t trade in the hand he’d been dealt. But he made decisions each day to be the best he could be. After years of good decisions, David can be proud of the man, the husband and the father he’s become.

keep it "G"

i'm a mom, and i have a kid on facebook. i also have many fb friends who are minors.

ok, adults! i'm sure most of you have fb friends that are minors as well.

we need to be careful what we post, comment, link, etc. online. we should think before we post something that contains questionable content.

we need to set a good, positive example for those young eyes and ears to see and hear. let's keep it clean and keep it "G."

we can share our thoughts, our feelings, our lives in positive, tasteful ways.

when in doubt, leave it out.

my family

i started my family at a very young age by today's standards. i was 19 when i had my first. the 3 that followed came pretty quickly afterward. four kids under the age of 5. it was crazy! i swear i didn't sleep for almost a decade!

i talked to someone today at church. as we shook our hoods, we both talked about how quickly time flies. our kids are growing up. they were babies. i blinked. they're all middleschoolers or highschoolers. where did that time go?

i have to admit that my hubby and i are enjoying this new season of life. our kids are learning to be self-sufficient and independent. the hubby and i resumed our dating, and i have to admit that i LOVE it. and it's so much easier now that we don't have to line up sitters. our kids act like they think it's silly that we go out on dates. after all, we've been married for 18 years now. i think they like it though, and i hope they are learning from our example. we don't take each other for granted. we respect each other. and we value our friendship.

i love my family, and i thank GOD for them. i have a husband who loves and treasures me. he flirts with me and makes me feel like i'm the most special person in the world. and i have 4 kids that amaze me, who love and amuse me. sure we have our not-so-wonderful moments where we may temporarily not like each other, but at the end of the day as our heads hit the pillows, we know we are loved. and that brings a smile to my face.