perfect love dispels fear

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. --1 John 4:18 (NLT)

i have to admit something. though i've been trying for so long to deny it, i just can't get around this anymore. i am afraid of church. i'm also afraid of anyone who talks about church or speaks christianese.

i fear being hurt, being judged, being guilted into throwing myself into the busy-ness of churchwork.

i don't fear GOD. i mean, i do, but not in the same way. i have that healthy fear and awe of GOD being a just and all-encompassing high being and creator of the universe. but i'm not afraid to carry on a conversation with him and reveal my innermost thoughts and shortcomings. i trust him enough to expose my heart to him. that has not come easy. it has been a long journey, but i do trust him. i believe in him.

GOD is LOVE. love expels all fear. yet i fear a lot. most people don't realize the extent of my fear.

GOD knows. we talk about it. and when we talk, i'm not afraid. i know he won't take my heart that i entrusted to him, throw it on the ground and stomp all over it.

i long for the day when i can open up my heart to people again, especially those of the christian ilk. perfect love casts out fear. there is shortage of perfect love.

i don't like guarding my heart. i hate the disconnect. it makes me cold and self-preserving.

GOD, show me how to love. show me how to accept love. make evident that perfect love that dispels fear. remove the fear that keeps me from living life to its fullest, that keeps me from loving, that keeps me from being loved. continue to heal my heart and make it strong. i trust you to do that. i trust you with my heart.

the emotional turn-around

feeling better today. yesterday was just really rough. i thought i had prepared. not enough, i guess. i just keep telling myself that what others mean for harm, GOD means for good. and people who do that kind of stuff to others are not at peace in their own lives. instead of being angry, i should pity them. i should pray for them. perhaps if they found what they were lacking, they wouldn't hurt people like they do. i'm not sure they realize they hurt people, which is a huge problem in itself. i may not have money or influence or fancy possessions, but i do have some really good intangibles in my life that obviously they are lacking. i don't have to belittle or manipulate others in order to make myself look and feel better. i don't have to push others down in order to advance myself or my family members.

GOD and i had some conversations thru-out the night. i think i understand better. in studying about the apostle paul, i learned there were places he tried to go, but something always stood in the way of him getting to his desired destination. maybe that's happening a little here. i've been praying a lot for GOD's favor on my family, particularly on my children. perhaps this is part of that favor...helping us get pointed in the direction where his favor can just overwhelm us. i'm trying to change my perspective. i feel like i'm always gonna face this unless i figure out a better way of dealing with it. i'm tired of being a victim. i don't want to be the aggressor. i am trying to find that peace that passes all understanding. i'm trying to learn to be content in any situation. i have not mastered that art. but one day...

it's a beautiful day today, and i'm going to spend it with my family and enjoy it. and that's something others can't take away from me. i let them steal my yesterday, but today is mine. how's that for a turn-around?

ministry...men & women created in GOD's image

26 God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, And, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.”
27 God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female. --Genesis 1:26-27



i have found myself meditating on this scripture a lot lately. i'm both a woman and a minister, and from time to time, i have experienced gender bias in ministry. i know i'm not alone. my intent is not to place blame. i simply want to share a thought about this scripture and hope to encourage or challenge someone.

GOD created both male and female in his image. GOD is just too much for one of us. it took 2 similar yet unique entities to even begin to embody the likeness of GOD. i've been in too many churches where the male point of view or the male presence is the dominant one. and i think to myself, "what a shame." in not embracing both male and female, we lose at least half of who GOD is.



let me stereotype for a moment. men are typically thought of as the thinkers, while women are typically thought of as the feelers. men are considered the conquerers, while women are the nurturers. men are rock-solid. women are emotional. now, we all know it's not as simple as that, but you get the point, i hope. i believe GOD is all of these. and i believe the church will not be complete and live up to the potential that it possesses without both sexes bringing their strengths and talents and abilities to the table and until we learn to respect and embrace each other.



it's not in blaming others, but it's in reconciling and accepting each other that we can truly make a difference in this world in which we live. it's in working together and respecting each other that we can be whole and complete. we're all in this together. after all, GOD doesn't have 2 callings: one for males and another one for females. just one.