Abstract Thinking - I Do That Well

The heart of an artist is fearless. It dares to dream and envision. It looks beyond the way things seem and sees what others cannot.

I am naturally an abstract thinker.

According to wiseGEEK.com, 'the abstract thinker can conceptualize or generalize, understanding that each concept can have multiple meanings. Such thinkers might see patterns beyond the obvious and be able to use patterns or a variety of concrete ideas or clues to solve larger problems.'

This is one of the things I really, really like about myself, and this definition describes me well. As a result, I'm able to dream  and envision things that others don't or won't or can't.

I've been in a bit of a dark place lately. Trying to find a job can be frustrating and filled with disappointments, especially when you know you can do the job if someone would only give you the chance.

Unfortunately, 'abstract thinker' doesn't seem to be on employers' radars, but it definitely makes me a better volunteer, employee, student, wife, mother, woman...

But at the moment, a job is not what I'm focused on. After a few rejections, I just need to remind myself that I am good enough, that I have a lot to offer and that I have some wonderful qualities.

And that's the reason for this post. I needed to focus on me...and what I do well.

Somebody's going to see me and what I have to offer, and they're going to be smart enough to say, "You're hired." It wouldn't hurt if they added that they're going to pay me an exorbitant amount of money because I'm just so darn awesome!

Meanwhile, I'm just going to get my thinking back on track.

Stay positive. Believe. Give. Be fearless.

Don't Stop

As I'm approaching the end of my first year back at college, I am finding it difficult to keep on going. I think I see a flicker of light at the end of a dark tunnel, but I'm not sure about that. After this semester, I have 2 more semesters to go. I keep telling myself, "One more month till summer. Just one more month. You can do this." And everyday, I feel myself slipping into despair. The end will never come. One month is too long.

Now that I've sufficiently bummed everyone out, I will try to remedy that. I have come to realize that those are the times I need to take a deep breath and tell myself to just get through the day. That's it. That's all. Just one day. That day turns into two and then three until Thursday afternoon arrives marking the end of another week and bringing me one week closer to graduation.

I could give up. I did take a weekend off from studying. What an attitude I had, too! I'm NOT going to study. I HATE school. I'm NOT going to be responsible. ...and I sat on my sofa and played computer games all weekend. Monday rolled around, and I got my butt in gear and studied like there was no tomorrow...well, you know what I mean.

I didn't give up. I took a break. But then I got back in there, and I persevered. It paid off.

My point is that when life gets overwhelming, sometimes you need to take a break and rest for a moment and then suck it up and keep going. Don't stop. Don't give up. It's amazing how you get a little momentum going and before you know it, all is well. Or even if all doesn't turn out well, it's done and you survived. Sometimes that's a major accomplishment.

So...I'm taking my advice tonight. Take a moment and rebel against the system. OK. Now remember your goal. And get back in there and study. You can do this. Just keep going. Don't stop. Don't give up.

rolling with the punches

i received news that i got turned down again for the hope scholarship. i do have some interesting circumstances that make my situation unique; however, reason should win out here nonetheless. so, once again i'm moving on up to the next person with hopes that someone who can extend an exemption will understand and grant it to me.

it's very frustrating. can't lie about that. but i'm not altogether bummed.

GOD keeps sending me little bits of encouragement and perspective. he's quite relentless, to be honest.

songs on the radio saying it's going to be all right, blogs that i subscribe to in my inbox talking about rolling with the punches, quotes regarding flexibility. OKAY, GOD, I GET THE MESSAGE! loud and clear! lol!

so, today, GOD's message to me is to roll with it, i'm guessing.

and roll i did. i guess i'm realizing that life is full of setbacks and disappointments, but that doesn't mean GOD's not actively working on my behalf. i have to trust that he's taking care of me and my situation. this i know: i am learning some valuable lessons about dealing with people in frustrating circumstances, and i must be getting better at pleading my case and winning them over. they seem to want to help me now. i have a feeling it will work out like it should. no need to worry about it. i'll keep doing my part. all i can do is the best i can do. i'll leave the rest to GOD. if the money doesn't come by this way, it will come by another. still praying for favor, GOD! =)

GOD and my heart share a secret

i've had a lot of thoughts going through my head these last few days, and i'm blogging because i need to let some of them out. ever get the feeling like something's about to happen? i have been feeling that way lately. sometimes that's a bad feeling, but not this time. i keep feeling like something good is about to happen. don't know what. don't know when. i have no reason to think this except that my heart tells me so.

i hope it's a good thing. i'm pretty intuitive, and so i've learned over the years to trust my heart. yeah, i know. i grew up hearing you shouldn't. i know there are people who emphatically state that you can't trust your emotions; you should go with what your head tells you. and that's fine if that's how you're wired. but i'm not wired that way. i make decisions with my heart, and it works every time...because that's how GOD made me. i used to think that was weird, wrong even...until someone i really respect confessed he was the same way. so if he's considered weird, i am in very good company.

i guess i'm just really looking forward to the plans GOD has for me. i think he's got something up his sleeve. i feel like my vision is expanding. i'm feeling hope and optimism like i haven't felt in a while. it's like GOD and my heart share a secret. i can speculate, but i think i'll just wait for GOD to reveal the surprise to me. and i'll just continue to wear this goofy smile that i can't seem to rid myself of...and i have no idea why.

don't sweat the small stuff?

while i've been enjoying being on top of the world, i was unaware of what was coming up beside me to knock me off the cliff! lol! i guess i had my eyes trained to look out for the big stuff, but wouldn't you know, it was a lot of little things...the proverbial straw, i suppose.

i felt a little blindsided. still do, if truth be told. i'm a little disappointed in myself for not being more aware. don't sweat the small stuff? sometimes i think the small stuff is harder to deal with than the big stuff. it's like a paper cut. those things doggone hurt worse than something more serious sometimes. i think what happened this week is comparable to about 3 or 4 papercuts. no major wounds, but you're left wondering how something so small can sting so bad.

but i'm not going to let it beat me...today anyway. i let it get me yesterday. but like a papercut, these little things are soon forgotten if not focused on. so i'm not going to focus on them, and within a day or two, i will have no memory of those little irritations.

whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable...think on things that are excellent and worthy of praise...philippians 4:8... that's the plan.

rejection or release?

a friend of mine wrote as his facebook status today: "we often confuse RELEASE with REJECTION." he went on to say that we should thank GOD for the release, instead of mourn over our rejection, and that sometimes acceptance hinders us while our supposed rejection brings us freedom when it's all said and done.

i have been quite guilty of confusing the two. before reading ken t.'s status update this morning, i determined in my heart that i was going to have a different perspective on the events in my life. everything that has happened has brought me to where i am. i still don't understand some of those situations, but i'm going to trust that GOD is working it all out for my benefit or for the benefit of those i minister to.

i admit it. i stew over things: things that are beyond my control, hurtful situations, people's opinions of me... but i'm doing better. i'm re-training my heart and mind to trust GOD rather than despair, worry and wallow in self-pity.

so much of life is our perspective. and i've decided to focus more on the positive. and that means that i have had to distance myself from certain situations and relationships because all they do is bring undesired toxins into my life. those poisons make me angry, bitter, and chained to undesired attitudes and behaviors.

so today, i take rejection and turn it around. i see it as release. i see it as GOD bringing freedom into my life. and i thank him for it.

ken t, you hit the nail on the head and gave me much to think about. i had trouble putting it into words. thank you for making it easy for me.

ai inspiration...my worst nightmare

though i'm usually not a fan of the early episodes of american idol, i watched anyway last night. i'm glad i did. in walks this ball of energy wearing an outfit that would give richard simmons a run for his money. i was not surprised to hear that pink was her favorite color. i swear she missed her calling as either an aerobics instructor or motivational speaker.

the judges asked what she has planned to sing, and she said, "at last." i thought to myself, "this should be interesting." and interesting it was.

she opens her mouth and proceeds to butcher this beautiful song! oh my ears! and oh my abs...from laughing so hard!

i couldn't help but smile! there was something that i liked about her...not her voice, mind you...but her personality. simon, with his usual wit and quips, told her that if he were to describe his nightmares, this would be it. ever the optimist, she smiled and said, "at least you're dreaming about me." and she bounded out of the room.

as soon as she met up with her supportive friends, she let them know that she wasn't going to hollywood. but before anyone had a chance to get sad, to cry, to throw a tantrum of epic proportions as is not uncommon on the show, she announced that simon said she was his worst nightmare, and all had a great laugh!

though her voice leaves much to be desired, her optimism and joy touched a place in my heart, and this morning when i got up, i decided she would be my role model for the day. in every cloud there is a silver lining. thanks, crazy pink girl! you are an unexpected inspiration!