open and honest communication with GOD

i haven't felt much like blogging lately with all the essays and assignments i've had for school. sorry about that.

i was clearing out some emails this evening, and i came across a blog post from one of my heroes. she goes to therapy. good for her. i've wondered if i should, too, sometimes. trying to heal from my past and deal with junk as it comes becomes a bit of a daunting task at times. anyway, she wrote something that kind of hit me hard...she's decided to be honest in her sessions even if she sounds like a jerk. i love her honesty and real-ness.

i think i've not been so honest with GOD lately in my relationship and in my talks with him. i'm feeling like i'm holding back because i don't want to give him the junk in my life. as i read the blog tonight, i had a thought...how stupid is it to withhold who i really am and what i'm really feeling from the one who knows it all?

so, this week, i'm determined to be more open and honest in my communication with him. as i've said countless times over the years...GOD already knows what's in my heart; he's just waiting for me to be honest with myself. so, GOD...ready or not...here it comes!..even if i sound like a jerk...

what i love about my church

church should be a place where a person can be himself/herself. a place where the honesty, acceptance, love and real-ness just melts away everything plastic, everything artificial about us. i smile every time i start to walk into my church, avalon church, in mcdonough, georgia.

though everything they do for the service on sunday morning is done with more excellence than i've ever seen at a church before, it's obvious that the sunday morning service is not the sum of all they do at avalon. it's a part of the whole. and it makes me feel good knowing that church there is more than one meeting a week. it's about who we are. we are the church, and worshiping and serving GOD is something we do all the time, not just on sunday mornings or in a small group.

i love that my pastor is not the only preacher (although he's a very good one). i love that outreach is part of the ethos. i love that we can speak frankly, that we can come as we are, that creativity and excellence are what's normal. i love that i'm encouraged to be part of something greater than myself. i love that i'm greeted by people who seem to genuinely love, who are happy to be there, who are happy that i'm there.

i'm proud to say that avalon is my church, and for those who know my struggles with the institution of church, that's a pretty major thing. =)

http://www.avalonchurch.net/   check it out! and come join us!

young people know it all...what a relief!

i love college. i really do. i love meeting new people. i love being challenged intellectually. it's a great experience. but there are a few things i'm not fond of. for starters, twenty-year-old snots giving me lectures about the "real world" and their idea that somehow they are intellectually superior as well. i've been a stay-at-home mom for years. i'll admit that i don't have much paid work experience, but that doesn't mean i'm stupid. the majority of stay-at-home moms don't have time to sit in front of the tv all day watching soap operas. we volunteer, we manage households, we become experts in time management, we chauffeur children back and forth, we make appointments, we teach our children, we diagnose ailments, we stay up late working on school projects, we organize activities, we create meals, we purchase goods, we work with other moms and groups of people, and much, much more. we may not get paid, but we certainly aren't stupid. well, guess what...this mom has better grades than you! ha!

call me a goody-goody because i value honesty and reliability. in the real world, i get to keep my job and credibility. call me a suck-up (language cleaned up due to young readers) because i'm nice and respectful to others. in the real world, that behavior gets me respected and furthers my career if i'm sincere, which i am. you may think you know it all, but here's the thing. i got married about the time you were born. i think i have a clue about this real world of which you speak. don't worry about me. i'll be just fine. and when you wonder why i have a smile on my face when you're trying to teach me about the real world, it's because i'm laughing at you on the inside and wondering what adults thought of me when i, too, knew it all.

so... what if you're wrong?

why are we so quick to assume that we are right  and everyone else is wrong? why do we act like we have cornered the market on what is true? why do we think our interpretation is the correct one or better yet, the only one? why do we demonize those with differing opinions?

here's a question...

what if we're wrong?

seriously...what if WE are wrong? what if there are many ways to look at a situation? what if what we thought was black and white turns out to be a beautiful shade of gray? what if there are multiple interpretations of the same text? what if those people who have different opinions are not evil, angry people with agendas?

WHAT IF WE LISTENED TO EACH OTHER AND TOOK TIME TO ASK THE QUESTION: COULD I BE WRONG?

according to research by dave kinneman and gabe lyons in unchristian, christians have an image problem. i'm not surprised by this. i've known it for quite some time. outsiders to christianity between the ages of 16 and 29 were asked about their perceptions of christianity and its followers. here's what they found:

91% see christians as anti-homosexual.
87% see christians as judgmental
85% see christians as hypocritical
78% see christians as sheltered (old-fashioned, out of touch with reality)
75% see christians as too political
70% see christians as proselytizers (insensitive to others, not genuiune)

surprised at how we're perceived?

the one i want to concentrate on is the stat about christians being judgmental. it doesn't surprise me. i used to be very judgmental. i was taught to be. it was considered  a christian virtue in the legalistic circles in which i operated.

and then one day, i had a moment. perhaps it was my own version of the damascus experience that the apostle paul had. WHAT IF I'M WRONG? my whole perspective changed. i began to question everything.  i realized that i had judged people unfairly. i realized that i taken on an attitude that i was somehow superior to others because of what i didn't do, because of what i considered sin. i realized that i didn't hold a monopoly on truth.

i could curse those who believe differently from myself.  why not ask questions and learn from them instead?

i could state emphatically that what i believe is correct and that others' interpretations are in error. why not listen to the opinions of others? why not be open to the fact that i could be wrong or that they could have a valid point?

i could demonize others for pointing out that what i've believed all along has fallacies. why not thank them for their courage to challenge the status quo?

here's the point...we need to listen more and judge less. we need to celebrate our diversity. diversity is beautiful. we need to respect each other more. i've heard it almost a million times it seems...people don't care how much we know until they know how much we care. we earn the right to share our opinions when first we've listened and respectfully acknowledged the opinions of others.

so...what if you're wrong?

ugliness is part of the journey

the butterflies in my stomach began to flutter, and i had this feeling of "oh, crap" come over me. i knew i had to speak up. the leader had asked at least three times if anyone else had something to say. i tried to talk myself out of it, but it was no use. i waited as long as i could. i cleared my throat, swallowed my fear, and began to share my story.

i know how it feels to be hurt, to hate, to feel worthless, to be lonely and depressed, to want to end it all. i've been there. i was broken.

but i'm not broken anymore. and i had something to say.

the discussion was about spiritual healing and wholeness. i am no therapist. i hold no credentials in psychology. but life has taught me well. my heart found comfort that we were discussing such matters. these discussions were way overdue.

for years, i struggled, mostly in silence. i was hurt by organized religion, but because i still worked in it, i "sucked it up" and trudged along. i carried so much emotional baggage that i almost physically ached. one difficult day, i had what i think was an anxiety attack. i knew that something had to change. the stress was becoming overwhelming.

i began to write. i thought i would explode if i kept all these feelings bottled up much longer. i made my journey to wholeness available to anyone who wanted to read by starting a blog, my online journal...journey of hope.

it was an ugly journey. it was long. it was painful. i had good days and bad. sometimes i felt sick like i'd ridden a roller coaster non-stop for hours. and one day, it happened. i erupted. the pain and hurt that i released was incredible...and so very ugly. i let GOD have it. more accurately, i cussed him out. i hated him for everything he allowed to happen to me. he could have struck me down, could have allowed the earth to swallow me up. instead, he quieted my spirit and spoke these words to my heart, "finally. now we can get somewhere."

some people get offended when i share that. that's okay. i know GOD's big enough to handle it. his kindness and mercy that day brought freedom, forgiveness and peace to my life. the ugliness is gone today because GOD was my safe place. he allowed me to hate and be venomous, and he loved me through it.

we need to take off the masks, face the ugliness, and let GOD make something beautiful out of our brokenness. GOD is our safe place. and once we've dealt with the reality that we are broken, we need to be that safe place for others.

i think a lot of us are unprepared for how ugly the journey to wholeness is. but it's time: time for transparency and time for honesty. GOD will be there to pick up the pieces, and he will make something beautiful out of them. we will smile again, a real smile. we won't take others' woundedness so personally because we have dealt with our own. and peace will be ours.

rolling with the punches

i received news that i got turned down again for the hope scholarship. i do have some interesting circumstances that make my situation unique; however, reason should win out here nonetheless. so, once again i'm moving on up to the next person with hopes that someone who can extend an exemption will understand and grant it to me.

it's very frustrating. can't lie about that. but i'm not altogether bummed.

GOD keeps sending me little bits of encouragement and perspective. he's quite relentless, to be honest.

songs on the radio saying it's going to be all right, blogs that i subscribe to in my inbox talking about rolling with the punches, quotes regarding flexibility. OKAY, GOD, I GET THE MESSAGE! loud and clear! lol!

so, today, GOD's message to me is to roll with it, i'm guessing.

and roll i did. i guess i'm realizing that life is full of setbacks and disappointments, but that doesn't mean GOD's not actively working on my behalf. i have to trust that he's taking care of me and my situation. this i know: i am learning some valuable lessons about dealing with people in frustrating circumstances, and i must be getting better at pleading my case and winning them over. they seem to want to help me now. i have a feeling it will work out like it should. no need to worry about it. i'll keep doing my part. all i can do is the best i can do. i'll leave the rest to GOD. if the money doesn't come by this way, it will come by another. still praying for favor, GOD! =)

gossip destroys

the cartoon is admittedly a little funny, but gossip is not. gossip destroys. there's just no other way to put it.

most of us have done it, but it's hard to admit to it. i'll start. i'm guilty. i've engaged in it. and i feel bad about it. truth be told, you've most likely at least listened from time to time. be honest. you've probably spoken it as well.

it's never harmless, it seems. some people do it and don't even realize it. sometimes, before we realize it, we're doing it.

we call it venting. we call it concern. we call it a prayer request on occasion (not to say it's wrong to have prayer requests, but we all know when a line is being crossed). we call it lots of things.

we need to stop.

we judge other people for things we consider ungodly sins, yet we participate in our godly sins almost daily.

listening to it is just as bad as speaking it.

it's easy to get involved. it draws us in. we believe it. and even if we don't, it still affects us. we listen, and we're hooked.

you know... we really don't need to know. most of the time, it's none of our business.

i'm sorry for the times i've allowed myself to get sucked in. i think i'm being a friend by being there for someone. i don't want to be rude, so i listen. before i know it, i've added to the conversation. i may tell them to talk to the person about it, but it's already gone too far. or i get upset, and i feel the need to vent...to the wrong person.

and it hurts that some of it's been about me or those i love. and people who i thought were friends listen to the gossip and start acting weird. trust is broken, and chances are, so is a relationship. and it hurts. as much as i don't want to be hurt by gossip, i don't want to hurt others either.

so why do we do it? i think sometimes we engage in gossip because we are...broken ourselves. it's always easier to point the finger at others than ourselves. it's easier to deflect. sometimes we have valid feelings, but it's easier to tell someone else than it is to tell the person we should really be talking to. sometimes it's just a way to pass the time. sometimes we're just nosy. sometimes we're jealous. sometimes we're hurt. sometimes we're angry. i'm sure there are other reasons as well.

but here's the bottom line: gossip destroys. someone always gets hurt.

once it's spoken, you can't take it back.

if we're not part of the solution, we become part of the problem. and if we don't have the ability to bring solution, it's none of our business.

and if someone is talking TO you about someone else, there's a good chance they're talking ABOUT you to someone else.

here's a question: would we want someone else saying this about us or our children? no? then chances are we should just keep it to ourselves. and believe me, i'm stepping on my own toes as much as yours. but i want to be a better person, so it's worth it.